I can count on one hand the number of nights Kathryn hasn’t gotten a bath. It’s always been a part of her bedtime routine, even if it was the “fastest bath” (enter made-up song, a quick dunk, fast scrub, and back out again). We may have even been a little superstitious about it. “If we don’t follow the routine, she may not sleep”. And we loved our sleep too much to risk it. So, baths… every single night.
It seemed entirely plausible to add a bit more purpose to this already established routine in our home. And, honestly, there aren’t many other points during the day where Kathryn stays in one place for longer than five minutes. The bath had already proven to be a perfect opportunity for a deeper conversation (as deep as a four-year-old goes, anyway).
Several weeks back, we had finally gotten her in the bath after an exasperating show-down of “who has the strongest will”. I asked her, “Kathryn, do you just not like to do what Mommy asks you to do?” I had convinced myself that she was intentionally opposing everything I asked her to do simply to make the night as horrible as possible.
“I do want to do what you ask, but I can’t.”
Her abnormally quiet voice cut through the loud flow of water as the tub filled up.
Me too.
I couldn’t believe it. My 4-year-old was, unknowingly, quoting Paul. Romans 7:15 flashed before my eyes, “I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate.” This little soul was in the midst of her own battle, one I am all too familiar with.
I felt a bit more empathy for her that night. Maybe she wasn’t willfully trying to be the worst. Maybe, in fact, she’s wanting to do good… but she’s four and other things are exceedingly more tempting and distracting than immediately doing everything your mom or dad asks you to do. I get it. Sometimes.
It was a profound bathtub moment for us. And so now, we try to have them on a more consistent basis.
The Five Thankfuls
I’ve never been really good at the gratitude journal. Never consistent. Never super original. But, I’ve always thought that maybe if I actually paused and thought about what I was grateful for once a day that it could be a good exercise. And maybe, perhaps, a good habit at the end of a weary day with a kid who, while she does want to do what I ask…she oftentimes, apparently, can’t.
And so we’ve introduced the five thankfuls as a new bath time rhythm.
Sometimes Kathryn is thankful for Paw Patrol, or bath toys, or playing in her bath (yes, both of those things). Sometimes she’s thankful for dandelions in the grass because she likes to blow on them. Sometimes it’s Mommy or Daddy or Brutus or kitty cats. Usually it’s something bath-related, because it’s what’s right in front of her.
Then she asks me what I’m thankful for. As I list out various things, she says, “That’s good.” eager for me to be done.
But now she expects it.
Within the span of a few nights, that turn into weeks, we are together creating a habit that holds some form of intentionality.
It’s a brief, imperfect moment that forces us to pause, to think, and to be grateful.
Even when we can’t always do what we want to do. We can be thankful that we know the One who can.