Straight A’s

Test-taking. 

It was complete with the Blue Book and a number two mechanical pencil (there was a lot of despair in my head on if I should use a pen or pencil, actually). While I felt adequately prepared going into the test, I couldn’t help but laugh when I saw the first thing at the top of it. Oops. I guess I hadn’t realized we were supposed to know that. Or that… or that… 

There was probably a little panic that set in once I was aware that I felt like I only really knew half the answers, had pretty educated guesses on the remaining three quarters….and was essentially guessing on the last bit. Panic, mixed with some chuckles, every time I encountered another question that I knew I was going to have to guess on. 

I had a decided a few days ago that I needed to learn how to let a test just be a test and not define my worth by my GPA, though (which is probably why I could laugh a bit). There’s this terribly prideful part of me that longs for straight A’s as it would seem to present a direct correlation to my intelligence and/or my work ethic. How sweet would it be if I could say that I had made straight A’s all the way through graduate school, right? 

But I was struck by the insignificance of it. I was reminded that other things matter more…and that I am defined not by the grades I can churn out. 

Because, even if I could figure out a way to earn A’s in every class I’m in, I wonder how much I’d actually be learning in them. I want to do well and take all the reading and paper-writing and test-taking seriously, but I think that too often we become anxious and stressed over things like this in our life that don’t hold eternal significance. 

I can’t remember the grades I made on specific tests and papers in undergraduate school (except for that one appalling ‘C’ on got on that one paper…), and I certainly can’t remember what specific grades I got on things in high school. Realizing this has been enough to allow me to breathe easier now that I’m in graduate school…

I want to learn.

I want to absorb new things and being open-minded to different ways of thinking. I want to know Jesus Christ more. Perhaps that gets reflected in test-taking occasionally, but I’m not convinced that it’s the thing we should base our progress in this area on. 

My point? 

My point is simply to not get sucked into letting the grades define your existence. To not let your anxieties over school eat your stomach into ulcers. To not be so determined to get the good grades that you forget to soak in the material as a result… to not become the Pharisees who could churn out the obedience to the laws with ease, without really absorbing the heart behind it. 

Be diligent in your studies, work hard and persevere in them… but don’t be consumed to the point where you forget that other things matter. Don’t get so lost in your books that you forget other people exist and are in need of your friendship and love. Don’t get so anxious about grades that you’re impossible to be around because of your constant worry and inability to discuss anything non-school related. Don’t use school as an excuse to not care about others or make time for them. Don’t forget to have fun, to take breaks, to let other things take priority over schoolwork when they need to (but, if you’re a slacker….you may need to make sure schoolwork takes a priority more than it does…). 

Bear fruit in the way that you live your life, including the way that you go about being a student. It’s weird territory (I’m realizing this again, now that I’m back in the midst of it). Don’t be so inwardly focused that you forget to see people and let them matter abundantly more than that extra ten minutes you could be studying. Take time out for the Lord. Take time out for other people. 

If you get a B, I think you’ll survive.

Be willing to drop your pride, especially if that means building up someone else.

There’s more to life than good grades. 

Let’s not forget it.