My fiance and I have started reading through some marriage books together.
Sometimes I want to gag, as they drone on and on about the same ‘ol stuff. Sometimes I think they’d be more beneficial for us to read a year after we’re married and are actually having the everyday complications that arise from living/doing life together. But, sometimes they say good things. Good things that are applicable outside of marriage, even.
One book reminded us that I can trust, no matter what my future husband might say or what his attitude might be, that he deeply loves me. Perhaps a situation or an action might suggest otherwise, but I have to choose that fact to be true. I have to remind myself that, even though he messes up, he loves me. He wants good for me. He wants good for us. He isn’t out to get me, to hurt me, to harm me–that isn’t the desire of his heart… and I’ve been thinking about that concept in a greater scope of our lives.
Sometimes when we are a part of organizations, or churches, or teams….we have leaders that aren’t perfect (okay, all the time they’re not perfect). But, sometimes we allow this to be a reason that we leave, quit, run, move on to something different. We forget about grace and we forget about grace in the midst of imperfection.
We hold them to impossibly high standards and when they don’t meet them (or exceed them), we peace out. We have no time for mistakes. Our hearts are too soft, our pasts are too jaded. We need people we can trust. People who are dependable. People who can do no wrong. People we can always rely on.
But, I’ve been wondering what might happen if we considered the heart of the leader. What if we considered the motivation? What if we asked ourselves: Are they really out to get us? Is the core of who they are malicious and evil…or did they just mess up? Did they miscommunicate? Are they juggling a lot of things right now? Do they even know how their actions might have affected us? And, if they did know, are they someone who is going to do something to try to change it?
Do we trust our leadership?
And even we trust them, can we allow them to be imperfect? Can we allow them to figure things out and for it to, sometimes, look messy in the process?
I remember church hunting up in the Boston area, checking out different ministries and seeing where I might fit in best. I remember being all too aware that I was picky, that I had high expectations, that I wanted my own version of perfection to exist somewhere, somehow. Worship had to be just right, the speaking had to be relevant and accurate, the people had to be kind and welcoming. I jumped in different friend’s cars on a weekly basis to try to find the church of my dreams, and found myself disappointed. I wound up often attending the church that my brother was an intern at and moving up in quickly. Not because I always loved the worship, or the teaching, or the community… but because my brother was in leadership and I trusted my brother’s heart. Even if he gave a sermon that I didn’t 100% agree with, it wasn’t a make it or break it deal…
Because we’re all seeking. We’re all figuring life out.
I believe that our Christian leaders are often given the impossible task of being perfect, of doing no wrong…. I believe it because I’ve done it to people (usually without realizing it) and I’ve also had it done to me. But we’re all people in need of grace.
I can promise you that I will mess up often.
I can promise you that I won’t always make you feel like I love you or care about you on a personal deep level. I can promise you that I will probably let you down. I will make poor decisions. I will mess up. It’s inevitable.
But could you maybe believe that my heart is for good? For Jesus? For making things better? That even in the times where I screw up and let you down and suck at communicating… that I do care? Could you choose to believe that people intend good, even when it comes across the wrong way?
I think when we’re able to take ourselves out of the need for perfection and remind ourselves that people are people, that we can follow our leaders more wholeheartedly. That we can see the vision, that we can trust the vision…because we believe, at the core, that they intend good. They may not always execute it perfectly and that’s where community and honesty is vital as we sharpen and refine each other, as we lean on each other for different gifting and strengths.
But, I pray that we wouldn’t be too quick to give up on our leaders because they’ve disappointed us. I pray we wouldn’t be too quick to gossip, to complain, to quit, to run. I pray that we’d be willing to look at the heart. To remember that no one is perfect, not even one. To ask yourselves if, at the core, you really think they intend evil, that they intend to hurt you, that they want to see you fail.
I think you might be surprised when you allow yourself to go there.
When you allow grace to invade.
When you allow yourself to admit the many ways they might be trying and seeking to do things better, to do things right, to tend to everyone’s different needs/hopes/expectations.
Do you trust their heart?
Do you trust that they intend good?
If you do, I generally think that’s a good reason to stick around, to keep following, to keep giving of yourself. Nothing is perfect. No one is perfect. But we’re moving forward, striving for better, placing our hope in the only One who is.