“What does it even mean to like someone?”
I quickly told my friend that she knows exactly what it means. Because…she knows. I know. You know. We all know.
It means we’re interested in getting to know them better. It means we’re interested in letting them get to know us (and hoping they want to). It means we think about them. A lot. It means we over think our interactions with them and definitely read into all of their interactions with us. It means our stomach feels fluttery when we think about seeing them again. It means we’re excited and hopeful about what could possibly be…
The thing about being a girl that likes a boy is that it’s hard to know what to do with those feelings. Once you actually admit that they are there (because how many of us would prefer to keep lying to ourselves about our romantic interests…) how do you then act? Once you acknowledge that you like a boy, both to yourself and possibly others, does it change everything?
I know, for me, it’s hard to keep acting like a normal person. Suddenly everything has more weight to it, no matter how long I’ve known the person. Suddenly I’m cautious of my actions and very aware of the small things that I never before cared about, let alone noticed. Has he always looked at me like that? Has his touch always lingered? Which is then quickly countered by: He’s not looking at me at all and he pulled his hand away very, very quickly…. he must actually hate me.
Irrational thoughts leak through.
But I don’t know what to do with the emotions. Half the time I don’t even know if they are real. Do I only like this guy because he’s the first guy in a while to have a conversation with me? Do I only like him because I’m trying to get over my ex? Do I only like him because he’s cute? Do I only like him because he can sing really well?
Because our emotions sometimes convince us that we like guys for really ridiculous reasons. Reasons that aren’t lasting. Reasons that aren’t substantial.
So, here’s kind of what I think through when I decide if I’m going to keep liking a guy (because, yes, I do believe that love is a choice…and that you can help who you love).
- Why do I like him? Do I know him well enough to have substantial reasons for liking him, or am I basing it off of things that don’t matter or aren’t lasting?
- What is my current situation? Do I like him because I’m lonely or jealous? Do I like him because it seems like an easy solution?
- Am I using these feelings as a way to distract me from other things I don’t want to deal with? Meaning…sometimes I like guys and entertain the idea of a relationship with them (through various communication or flirting), but I never actually have any intention of dating them. In the moment, it’s just nice to have someone to think about…but not as anything real.