I don’t know if it’s jet lag, but I woke up at 4 a.m. and was quite alert.
…and processing…processing…processing.
It’s the state of my heart these days: constant turmoil as I sort through the events of the past weeks, months and even years.
I met someone new.
Someone who is kind, good, passionate, selfless, thoughtful, faithful, and determined…. and he likes me. He made his intentions clear without me ever having to wonder, without me ever having to consider taking the initiative myself. I’m not sure if I’ve ever really known what that could be like.
The prospect of someone new in the midst of so many somethings new has created quite a lot of uncertainty in my heart. And, most challenging, the hurts and wounds of my past have immediately resurfaced and created a barrier between my ragged heart and a man who longs to know it.
For so long I’ve convinced myself that I didn’t deserve quite a lot of things…especially when it came to love and romance. I convinced myself that what I thought I needed weren’t actually the things that I needed, and that the Lord was even teaching me much through the absence of those things. And, I imagine He was…but recently I’ve realized that it might not be what He desired for me.
Gentle whispers intimately guide their way through the slammed doors of my heart, forcing me to hear the words that flow from One who knows me better than I know myself: this is how it should be.
This is tricky for me to accept, because, if you know me at all, I’ve set myself up as a basher of ‘shoulds’. The ‘shoulds’ create expectations, the ‘shoulds’ create disappointment.
But there’s a man who waits patiently for me to rummage through my baggage as I decide if I might ever be able to trust again. A man who gently reminds me that I matter, that I’m beautiful, that I’m worth it. A man who pursues, who sacrifices, who honors his word. A man who loves the Lord wholeheartedly and lets that define the ways in which he walks. A man who is not perfect, who is not what I expected, who may not even be who I end up with.
He’s a man who reminds me that this is, indeed, how it should be.
And that, maybe, ‘shoulds’ are okay sometimes.
Ladies, I need you to hear me in this…
That while, yes, men are also broken vessels… there are good men that exist. Men who long to know you, long to be faithful to you, long to be the things you think you need in a relationship. There are men who are willing to do whatever it takes to be near you, men who believe in you, men who genuinely think you matter. Men who are kind, patient, and fully encourage you to embrace the fullness of who God has created you to be. Men who may not be perfect in any of these things, but men who are still striving because of the way Jesus has truly transformed their hearts.
These are the types of men we should all be waiting for. Because I honestly think that this is how it should be. Not just for me… but for you, too.
Because when we are wooed by men who give us the freedom to be ourselves, who give us the freedom to be honest and open without the fear of what they might think or how they might respond…it unleashes something good within. It allows us to trust, to hope, to feel comfortable and excited about who we are.
And, no, men aren’t necessary in making this happen…but I think that they can be a beautiful catalyst that cause us to truly embrace ourselves. Too often we find ourselves in the midst of relationships that never allow this to happen. We’re too focused on how we need to be different in some way, and we become consumed with believing lies about ourselves and never feeling good enough. As a result, it becomes what we offer to those around us. It’s a viscous cycle of being hurt and hurting others as we desperately desire for someone to simply tell us that we are enough, even in our darkest moments.
No human can ever complete this within us, no matter how great they are… but, I do believe the Lord uses others to speak this truth into us. And, I do believe that the enemy can use others to speak quite the opposite into us as well. For those closest relationships to us, I think it’s vital to surround ourselves with people who speak life into us and constantly point us to truth.
Don’t settle.
Because, yes, I think there is such a thing now.
Wait.
Wait patiently.
Believe that there are good men and that they are worth waiting for…even if it means that means letting go of the plans you had for your life. Even it it means being 22 or 28 or 35 or 65 and single.
I may not even end up dating this new man due to other variables…but the Lord has already used him to show me that there is a way that it should be and it’s quite all right to hold out for that.
I hope you’ll do the same.
You’re worth it.
And, if you don’t hear it from me?
I pray that Jesus would whisper that truth through the closed doors of your heart as well.