A Forgotten Humanity

I’ve been wondering lately if Jesus would have voted if He were an American citizen.

I’ve been wondering if or how He would partake in the rhetoric that has become so normalized. Humanity at its finest. Blame. Accusation. Defense. Disbelief. Mockery. Meanness. Entitlement. Superiority.

Perhaps it’s a classic case of just needing to look at my 1990s W.W.J.D. bracelet… but, I really have wondered what role He would assume in our current culture. Because that has some bearing on how, when, or if I do (or don’t) get involved. It’s as though politics, pandemics, movements, and impossible-to-please-everyone decisions have stripped people of their humanity. And we have forgotten that on the other side of a policy, or a protest, or a political party, or a television screen, or a social media post, or a decision we don’t like… that there are real people with real souls.

It feels somewhat ironic, given the causes (or people) we are often fighting for.

Oh, I thought the Bible said…

But somehow, our […hatred, harsh words, thoughts, opinions…] are justified. As if we are living as though Scripture says, “Value others above yourselves…except if you disagree with them, if they offend you, or if they seem ignorant. Then it’s okay to disregard them, speak poorly of them, and assume you are better than them.”

Or, “Love only the people who are just like you, the ones who you agree with, get along with… you know, the ones who look like you, believe like you, vote like you, and act like you. It doesn’t matter if you love anyone else. Those other people, they aren’t worth saving or caring about.”

Because we are the ones who are “right” and that begins to matter abundantly more than the people. Whether it’s our stance, our prejudices, our experiences, our knowledge, our understanding of the issue at hand, the way we are personally impacted… somehow this provides us with a “truth” that excuses us from kindness, grace, and love. It becomes perfectly acceptable to think or make generalized (and sometimes atrocious) statements about groups of people and/or individuals.

How do I be a Christian right now?

It’s been a baffling season to live in as a Christian. Maybe for you, too.

I wonder if I’m not doing enough, or saying enough, or being enough – or maybe I’m doing too much. I am often in disbelief that I can claim the same identity as another (a child of God) and yet when we are both looking at a square, I see a circle and they see a triangle. How can this be? What am I missing?

I’ve struggled with the lack of unity that grows more apparent each day. Is there any room in this world to disagree on politics, or the economy, or how to stand up against injustice, or decisions that are made… but still hold one another in high regard, to show honor, to heap blessings upon the other? Is there any thought of (or desire for) harmonious living?

I have been overwhelmingly challenged lately to check my heart, ever-aware of the judgment and disbelief that so readily surfaces. “I can’t believe she would say that… or believe that… or do that…”, “He is such a…”, “Don’t these idiots know that…?”

I am ruined

And when I look deeply within, I am ashamed at what I encounter. A spirit of pride. A feeling that I am “right”, and that I know “better”. Criticism, doubt, anger. An inability to see people as image-bearers of the Most High God. Woe to me…I am ruined!

For me to forget that I am just as human, just as fallible, just as broken… just as in need of saving grace as the person posting to my right or to my left. How dare I? How dare I forage for the ounce of disagreeableness within you while I carry a hefty load of filth within me (a load that I conveniently choose to ignore, or dismiss as ‘not as big a deal’). How mortifying that I might condemn you, but be so unwilling to admit that I could be wrong…

Have I forgotten what I have been saved from? Have I lost sight of the depth, the weight, the gravity of my sin… ? Do I remember that blood was shed to set me…us…free? Have I forgotten the Gospel?!

What a disgrace to think that I might know you well enough to know what you have been through and how that shapes your worldview. What ignorance for me to assume that my way, my understanding, my perspective is right or truth. What pride, when I refuse to really hear you or care for you, even if we don’t see the world in the same way. What shame, that I am willing to judge your actions when I cannot possibly know what decisions you have been forced to make.

I am sorry.

Will you forgive me? Will you forgive the harsh or insensitive words that I have spoken or written? Can you somehow put my grossly judgmental thoughts in the past and trudge through our differences to find a place where we can see each other as humans once again (or, maybe, for the first time)?

Can we find the time and space to care about each other? To know each other? To move past the assumptions and exist in a world where we both strive to find common ground?

And, Jesus, will You forgive me, too?

As I consider You, the Triune God who is sovereign in all things, I fall on my face… undeserving of your grace. I bring pride, selfishness, self-righteousness, and, often, an unwillingness to love my brothers and sisters – the ones You call sons and daughters. But Lord, if I know anything about Your call on my life, it’s that I cannot claim to love you and not love others. You even ask me to love my enemies… the people who laugh at my failures, the ones who smile at my pain. The ones who have caused me deep pain. The very people I want to hate.

So Father, teach me how to love. Show me how. Help me do it when I cannot on my own. May You find me willing, ready, and actively seeking to show Your love in this world, during a time when humanity feels so divided…. so…. forgotten.

Yeah, but he’s still a…

And Lord, help me to actively confess my pride, my judgments, my condemnation of others and their opinions/actions/words when it surfaces. Help me to do so, even when I feel under attack. Even if I have to do it over and over and over again.

There is no world in which I believe You condone those thoughts, those accusations, those words toward or about others – regardless of what they say, write, believe, or do. Show me how rid myself of any excuse or justification of sin or ill-will toward others. To live with the type of humility that Christ did. To be a person who, in addition to love, brings joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control to those around me. Give me wisdom on how to act, think, and speak in today’s world.

God, have mercy on me, a sinner.

Worried Sick.

He should have died.

A sudden swerve to the right, an over-correct to the left… across the highway, another pull back to the right… and then it flipped. 5 times, landing upside-down, car totaled. I fumbled for my phone, in disbelief that such a thing that happened before my eyes, thankful that I was close enough to town to have cell phone service.

My boyfriend grabbed a light and ran to check on the driver, while I tried to calmly talk to the 9-1-1 Operator. She asked questions, I yelled across the highway to find the answers.

‘I think he’s going to die’…
Upon hearing those words, a lump formed in my chest. Promising the operator that we would leave the driver exactly where he was, I hung up and made my way slowly to the overturned vehicle.

He was young, barely 20. He couldn’t remember much, but I found purpose in asking questions and talking to him to keep him awake. Help arrived, carried him to safety, and the boy miraculously lives on to tell the story. Don’t worry, we’re Facebook friends.

The incident put this irrational fear in my head, though.
It happened over 6 months ago and I dread thinking about traveling long distances early in the morning. If the clock reads somewhere between 3 and 6 a.m. I half convince myself that I should say my final good-byes before I leave.

Perhaps this worry seems justifiable to some of you.
Mostly, I think it’s ridiculous and debilitating.
I think I try to justify worry a lot, actually… and I get quite defensive if anyone tells me that I’m a worrier. But, I’m here to tell you all that I am a worrier. Ugh. The way it sounds is… gross.

I worry about car accidents, about making the wrong choice, about not having enough food for my guests, about summer falling apart, about giving you unsound advice, about having babies or not being able to have babies, about getting married, about messing up my kids, about the future, about the present, about change, about friendship, about…. most things.

Worry is stupid.

Perhaps Oswald Chambers speaks on the subject better than most:

Worrying always results in sin. We tend to think that a little anxiety and worry are simply an indication of how wise we really are, yet it is actually a much better indication of just how wicked we are. Fretting rises from our determination to have our own way. Our Lord never worried and was never anxious, because His purpose was never to accomplish His own plans but to fulfill God’s plans. Fretting is wickedness for a child of God.

BAM!
If that doesn’t make you squirm just a bit…
Especially all you control freaks out there…

We want to have everything go the way we’ve planned, we want to exist in our perfect little world of nothing going wrong… but because we know how reality tends to look, we worry about every worst-case scenario becoming our scenario.

We dwell in worry. Especially us women.

I challenge you to allow yourself to recognize your worry as worry. No more defending it, no more justifying it, no more calling it something that it isn’t (i.e. ‘I’m not worried about it, I’m just a little concerned’). Recognize it, and then confess it. To the Lord, to a friend, to your significant other, to your mentor.

If I claim to believe in a God that is Sovereign and good… why would I ever worry about a thing?
I do believe I miss out on so much freedom because of my constant angst.

Why worry about tomorrow, dear friends?
Why worry about the unknown?
It’s as if we think we could control it all…
I imagine that we’ll continue to get in cars… and maybe we’ll live, and maybe we’ll die… we don’t really get to choose.

It’s risky out there, for sure.
But… if you say you believe in a God who is Sovereign and good? Live like it.
After all… whose plan are you trying to accomplish, anyway?

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