vulnerability Archives - Always Second Chances

I have a love-hate relationship with seeing and/or interacting with people from the past. The “hate” portion is more of a heavy dislike. It’s often awkward, especially if we haven’t communicated in 10+ years. And, if I’m being honest, it likely stems from insecurity – just how did I present myself in middle school? In my mid-twenties, was I really a decent human to those around me? Past people force me to face and own up to who I was, choices I made, how I treated others… and I have no control of how my actions or words are remembered, or how they made people feel.

But, I also LOVE getting to take a trip down memory lane with someone from my past. You, friends, validate certain pieces of my memories. Certain pieces of me.

I tend to parcel my life into different “lives lived”. There are significant markers, seasons, moments – usually divided out by places I’ve lived. Growing up in Columbia, Missouri. College at Truman State University. Summers and years working full-time at Camp Eagle in Texas. A brief stint in Beverly, Massachusetts at seminary. More years at Glorieta, New Mexico. A new discovery of life back in my hometown – now for three years (wild!)! Each can feel like a different life. At times, a different Debbie.

But now, living back home, it’s inevitable that I run into people from the past. And while I’ve remained largely absent from the social media scene that connects me to many from alllll of those places and significant seasons in my life, there have been moments, interactions, and conversations lately that piece me back together. One Debbie with one life, not 6 Debbies with 6 lives. After all, we are whole beings… not divided, try as I may.

So, when I get the chance, I relish the moments to conjure up memories with others. Those times remind me that those moments were real that they actually happened. That I was who I was (even if those weren’t my favorite or best versions of myself)… and those things all work together to make me who I am, in this one life. Your role is significant – not just in my life, but the many others you have known and journeyed with.

And so now, a trip down memory lane… because maybe it does for you what it does for me. Maybe it will serve as a reminder that in the worst, hardest, best, happiest moments/relationships/situations – we are being shaped. Molded. Becoming. Not stuck in who we were, but embracing that we are people in motion. When we validate the memories, we remember that we are never alone in this journey. So many folks have been along for the ride, even if we no longer share the same zip code.

So buckle up, friends.

We are going on a ride.

I just watched Brené Brown’s talks, The Power of Vulnerability and Listening to Shame. You should, too.

She said quite a few things that struck a chord with me, but perhaps the most humbling was that it takes ‘courage to be imperfect’.

Crap.

In my efforts to attain perfection, I finally see myself for what I really am: a coward.
And it’s true.

In Listening to Shame, Brown asks the audience to raise their hand if they think of vulnerability as a weakness. The majority raise their hands. She then asks (in reference to The Power of Vulnerability where she puts herself out there in front of several hundred people) if they saw courage in her vulnerability… and again, the majority raise their hands.

So where’s the disconnect?
When we see others show their true colors, we applaud and commend them. We are thankful and appreciative of their ability and willingness to be raw and authentic. But when it’s our turn…? When it’s our turn we want to clam up and hide out… we want to unveil as little as possible about our imperfections. We are filled with shame.

‘Shame, for women, is this web of unattainable, conflicting, competing expectations about who we’re supposed to be… and its a strait-jacket’ -Brené Brown

Absolutely, it is.
Confined to a life of desperate living, hoping someday that somehow we will attain the impossible: perfection. Or, rather, whatever we’ve personally deemed to be perfect. I imagine the standard is different for all of us, but no matter who we are or what we’re striving for, I doubt there will be a time when we think we’ve actually achieved it.

There’s always room to be skinnier, or prettier, or smarter, or more athletic, or more popular, or more spiritual, or closer to God, or a better friend, or richer, or funnier, or…. you get the idea.

Brown’s point is that there’s a certain wholeheartedness that comes when we allow ourselves to be real and honest about our weaknesses, about our imperfections. Her point is (after years of research, I might add) that vulnerability results in connectedness, and that connectedness is what we are made for.

She challenges her viewers to look at a baby, innocent and new, and to not lavish untrue things upon it (i.e. ‘You’re perfect…’) but, instead to say, ‘You’re imperfect, and you’re wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging.‘

I don’t want to be a coward any longer.
I want to embrace imperfection within myself… and I believe that the more I’m able to do that, the more I’m then able to have compassion on and embrace it in others.

I can be imperfect.
That can be okay.

Vulnerability can be transforming.
So, when it’s our turn to rise to the occasion… will you join me?

May we find a greater wholeness in the vulnerability of our imperfections than we will ever find in attempts for perfection.

* * *

Submit Your Stories/Questions/Struggles Here

Your entries will remain anonymous

Category: vulnerability

If You Knew Me When…

Brené & Me.