I went to youth group last night.
It’s been a while…and it wasn’t my youth group, and it was comprised of strangers. But, I went. I was a judge for a pumpkin carving contest. I also helped lead a brief discussion with some teenager girls. It was a little awkward.

The topic? Feasting.
What does it mean to really taste and see that the Lord is good…in conjunction with the things we actually feast upon in our day-to-day life. We talked about food. We talked about eating disorders. We talked about going from one extreme to another and forgetting balance and moderation. We talked about how this isn’t just applicable to food.

Mostly, my sister-in-law and I talked. It was a weighty subject for only a few minutes of time and when you’re a newly-introduced, temporary person… I found myself struggling in how to relate. How much do I share of my own story? How directly can I ask them questions? What can I possibly say in these fifteen minutes to establish that this is a safe place, that there’s no judgment, that there is hope?

I don’t know how successful any of my attempts with them were, but I’ve been thinking a bit more about this idea of feasting…and just how much food actually consumes us. It’s everywhere. My sister-in-law and I joked today about the commercials that attack us on television. Every other one is sending an opposite message and we’re caught in a bipolar whirlwind of seduction. It’s as though our subconscious is screaming, ‘Eat more! You’re fat! Eat more! You’re fat!’ as we go back and forth between delicious food opportunities and dieting ads.

How could we ever fully break away from the things our world tells us? How could we, when we are fully inundated by everything around us, be convinced that image doesn’t matter? Doesn’t it? Doesn’t it sometimes matter what we wear? Doesn’t it sometimes matter how much we weigh? Doesn’t it sometimes matter whether or not we fix our hair? Doesn’t it sometimes matter how active we are?

There has to be something to recognizing what ultimately matters…and still existing in the world and not being of it. We still have interviews, we still have jobs, we still have health to maintain. I think this is where moderation has to come in. I don’t think women need to feel guilty about caring about how they look. I think the problem comes when it turns into something that is obsessed over. There’s nothing wrong with looking presentable, with putting on make-up, with shedding some excess weight.

It’s when we become all-consumed with what we look like…it’s when our worth comes from how we appear to others that problems arise. It’s when we lose sight of what really matters.In the grand scheme of eternity, how we look doesn’t matter. I don’t think we can ignore that it matters here though.

It’s tricky.
It’s tricky because it requires us existing in a place of uncertainty, a place where it’s easy to waiver too far in one direction. It almost seems more straight-forward to simply abstain from anything having to do with your external appearance–because then you’re not getting sucked into temptation and obsession over how you look. How do you concern yourself far more with matters of the heart while simultaneously tending to the outside in such a way that you are not solely driven by it?

Honestly-working at a camp made it easier to avoid this struggle. In an environment where it is acceptable to roll out of bed, throw on some shorts and a t-shirt, brush my teeth and walk into the office there wasn’t as much pressure to look a certain way. Now that I’m entering the ‘real’ world, I find myself longing to live within this balance of looking good without letting it consume me. Rather than hiding behind what I’ve always known and staying away from fashion, I think I’m moving into circumstances where I’ll need to put more effort into all of it.

But, there’s a greater confidence in who I am beyond what I look like.
I hope that’s true for you, too. As you figure out for yourself what your own boundaries are in terms of how much effort you can place into your appearance without letting it become all-consuming… I pray that you don’t ever lose sight of what matters. I pray that as you dress, as you apply make-up, as you purchase new things, as you freak out about grey hairs and wrinkles and a few extra pounds… that you would remember that there is more than this.

Live, remembering what fades away.
Be in the world, but not of it.
Find moderation in the things you live too excessively in, or too absently from.

Every good and perfect gift is from above.
Taste and see that the Lord is good.
He has invited us to feast.
Shall we?

The comment:

Maybe there’s a part of me that doesn’t actually want to stay single forever. But it sounds easier, for sure. How can I relinquish control of that area of my heart without doing a 180 and turning into one of “those” girls who is obsessed with finding a husband? I don’t even want that – I just want a person to do life with, to have adventures with. I just want a normal, jesus-loving, awesome dude who happens to fall in love with me. How can I find that without settling for a “normal” relationship, am I allowed to maintain my creative, independent, stubborn nature while simultaneously hoping God will send the perfect guy my way who loves me for all that i am? And what if He doesn’t… what then?

I think there’s always something to being really honest with the Lord and with yourself. It’s often easier for us to deny things that we feel, think, want because we don’t want to face the reality of what that could mean for our life.

In your instance, admitting that you might not want to be single forever means that you’re opening yourself up to a lot of risk…and perhaps the biggest risk of all is choosing to believe that God might actually be good and give you something that you want, and then not having it happen, for whatever reason. Then what happens…? So, rather than face all of that, it always seems easier to deny that there are parts of you that may want something different for yourself.

It also sounds as though you live in extremes. You’ll either want nothing to do with the prospect of marriage or you’ll become obsessed with the very thought of meeting the right guy. Instead of maintaining a balance (which is attainable), you jump from one extreme to the other. I think this is where one of the first steps is just admitting to yourself and the Lord that you might not want to be single forever. I think this allows you to open your heart to the idea. Not become obsessed…but to be open to the idea that it is possible.

I suppose I don’t know what you mean by a ‘normal’ relationship. There’s probably the reality that at the end of the day, if you find someone who is ‘normal’ (does that exist?), Jesus-loving, and awesome that you’re probably still going to have conflict and challenges. There will be moments when life might be mundane or tedious. Ultimately, I think choosing to live life with someone means choosing to love them and you’ll have to let that look however that needs to look. At some point you’ll have to shed expectations of your ‘normal’ relationship and allow the relationship to take it’s own form, knowing that two people coming together are bringing two very different things into the equation.

I think you’re always allowed to maintain pieces of who you are… as long as they are in line with who God says that you are. Some of the independence and stubbornness that you cling to might actually be some of the very things that the Lord longs to chip away at. Would you be open to that? Would you be open to the Lord using a partner in life to help with that refining process?

One of my favorite Oswald Chambers quotes is below:

“When He [God] talks of their losing their selves, He means only abandoning the clamour of self-will; once they have done that, He really gives them back all their personality, and boasts (I am afraid, sincerely) that when they are wholly His they will be more themselves than ever.”

It’s kind of this beautiful reminder to me that the more pressed into Christ we are (which always means the shedding of our flesh and sometimes the very things we tend to cling to about ourselves) then we will actually be more ourselves than ever before.
So, with that, I guess my question to you is are you willing to abandon aspects of your nature that might need to be abandoned? Not for the sake of marriage, but so you might find a better version of yourself for the sake of Christ? Could there ever be the possibility that a partner in life might help bring you into this place as you are being sanctified daily?

I guess all I’m trying to say is that I’d urge you toward openness… in your own heart, in your conversations with the Lord, with possibilities of what could be, with what a relationship can look like, with what a man you could spend the rest of your life is like, with what being single on this earth could look like. Openness toward yourself being refined, changed and growing and becoming more yourself than ever (which might be very different from the girl you remember being) and letting that be okay. Openness that the unknown to all your questions could even be better than denying a desire that might exist.

And ultimately?
Ultimately trusting in the Lord’s goodness and sovereignty and being willing to trust that when it looks different than anything you might have imagined–it’s always better.

Be open.
Trust.

Someone recently reminded me that I’m not the hero.

A gentle prompting to never forget that as I tell stories and share my heart, that it’s not me who is to receive any credit for the change, for the good, for….well, anything. While my first response was to want to argue and defend myself, to ensure that that was never my intent… I realized it didn’t matter. Regardless of intent or not, regardless for my reasons for telling stories the way in which I do… if, in the end, it’s me who comes out looking like the hero, I’ve done something wrong.

With that in mind, I want to apologize to all my readers if that’s ever been the thing taken away from a post. I acknowledge that any good that I have to offer or give is solely because of Jesus. It’s only by His blood that I am redeemed, that I am counted as worthy, that I have hope. It’s only through Him that I can boast about second chances.

I hope by now that you’ve realized that I don’t have it all together, that I’m far from perfect, that I have the tendency to make more mistakes than do anything right. In the process of me sharing and writing, I sincerely desire that you walk away hopeful for better…that you might be willing to challenge and prod at the things you’ve claimed to believe without even knowing why. And, ultimately, that you would always be drawn back to Jesus.

I may not do that so visibly every time, as I fear becoming my own montage of cliches that continue to drive people further from truth. There may be traces of me needing to choose Jesus all the time, and my battle with not always wanting to. But, in the end, it is always He who is faithful, He who is good, He who loves first so I can also love. Without Him, I am nothing.

Thanks for journeying with me through my imperfections and struggles.
I’m so sorry for any narcissism, for any impression I may have given that I hold the key to all the answers. Most times I feel like I’m barely hanging on myself.

I want to serve you, to lead you toward better, to offer you an abundance of hope through second chances…and ultimately that comes through Christ, as He is the sole provider of forgiveness, grace, love and mercy.

It’s only by His blood.
And it’s only He who is the hero.

This summer there was a trial.
It involved a conniving man who had committed murder and a high school girl who had stolen medicine to keep her dying sister alive. The campers were the jury.

It was a simulation of a trial that we put on every Monday night at camp. It gave the campers a chance to decide for themselves who was guilty and who was innocent.

I acted the part of the girl on trial. Every week I gave my testimony to hundreds of campers and let them decide my fate. Every week, while there were a few groups that proclaimed my innocence, the majority condemned me. While I was a good person, I had still broken the law. While I was going to church, sacrificially giving my money to people in need, breaking the law only because I was desperate to keep my sister alive and in the spur of the moment, when I didn’t have the money, I took the medication and ran…I was still guilty.

The other guy on trial, one of the guys I worked with, was a jerk. He was clearly guilty and clearly an idiot (especially when he attempted Aussie accents). He was a murderer- there wasn’t ever a question in any camper’s mind.

We both stood on stage, waiting to hear the camper’s verdict. This was the point during the night where I would try to muster up tears. Oftentimes, the large fan overhead in the pavilion would hit my eyes at just the right angle and cause my eyes to tear up a little. This helped, but it wasn’t yet believable that I was a high school girl in terrible distress. Groups would trickle back in and hand their verdicts in. There was always laughter, pointing, casual discussion and, usually, a jeer or a comment in our direction about how guilty we were.

While, yes, the trial was fake and everyone in the room knew it, I couldn’t help but think that it wouldn’t be much different if it was real. I remember being astonished at how quickly these campers were to judge us, to decide our fate…based on only a few facts. I remember being thrown off by the cruelty of their words and the disapproval in their eyes.

Ashamed I hear my mocking voice, call out among the scoffers…

These words would run through my mind every time at this point in the evening. I wasn’t any different from these campers. I felt like I had caught a glimpse of what it was like to be Jesus on trial. Only He had done nothing wrong. In the crowd there was accusation, judgment, scorn, ridicule…and I can’t help but think my voice would have been one of them.

The tears flowed easily at this point. For as much as I felt the scorn of others from some silly simulation, I knew it was only a taste of what Christ had endured for me…for us.

The verdict was in. We were always guilty. *applause, cheering*
The punishment? Death.

For the murderer, this sentence was met with more applause and cheering. When my sentence was read, there was often a shout of disapproval. I was dragged off stage, weeping and begging for my life.

The whole idea was to paint a picture for these campers that no matter how good we are and no matter how bad we are, we are all deserving of death…we are all sinners.  It’s only because of the blood of Jesus Christ that our sins have been atoned for. It’s only through grace that we have been saved.

I think I forget this sometimes.
I think I forget my depravity and my absolute need for Jesus.
I think I forget that no matter how good I am, no matter how bad I am… Jesus still takes me back.
I think I forget that there’s nothing I can do to earn salvation.
I think I forget that it’s already been done.

This must matter above all else.
There can’t be anything else that gets in the way.
The gospel must be the centrality from which everything flows.

It’s time we start living that way.

Tonight feels important. 

The comment:

We had a lot of serious convos and had fun too, but every time we hangout like this I always end up wondering if I should have even gone in the first place. It’s not that I don’t care about him or like being around him, because obviously I do but if it’s also making it harder, do I just stop? I don’t want to be the one to say anything first but I also don’t want to keep waiting. Do I try distancing myself from him and if so how? Like I don’t even know what that looks like. And at the same time I don’t want to because we do have so much so I feel like I would be missing out if I did.

This is every single girl’s perpetual nightmare, it seems. Meet guy, become friends with guy, hang out with guy often, realize that you like guy (a lot), never really know how guy feels about you. I probably can’t even recall the number of times I’ve been in this scenario…but, I think the number is too many.

How to proceed when you find yourself in the midst of this situation is always a tough decision. One never intentionally puts themselves in this spot, I don’t believe…but, inevitably, it happens. I think that maybe females are incapable of getting close to men without developing some sort of intimate connection to them. When we form the intimacy, our hearts automatically link that to romance and love.

Can we be incredibly close to men without wanting to date them? Probably sometimes, but (at least in my experience), there seems to always be a moment where we at least question and wonder about the possibility of being more. We may not even be physically attracted to the guy upon first meeting him, or even for months into our friendship, but when we’ve shared our heart with them and they’ve shared theirs with us we wake up one day and suddenly see them a bit differently. Before us is no longer our best friend, but a man that we could envision spending the rest of our lives with. It’s someone that we are real with, comfortable around, knows us and likes us. It’s a the type of thing they make movies out of, right?

Guys don’t seem to follow the same patterns as girls, though. They can genuinely be close to a girl on an emotional level and never even go there on the romantic level. It doesn’t even cross their mind. They care deeply for you, they are there for you…but it’s platonic. Not always, but, a lot of the time.

So, I guess the tough decision comes back to you. In my experience, and in my conversations with guys, I’ve found that if a guy is interested in you he will do something about it. He may not be super speedy about it, but he will let you know if he’s interested. My guess is that you aren’t being super secretive about your feelings toward him, either. Meaning, you probably don’t need to do or say anything to make him aware that you’d be interested in more. He knows. And, if he doesn’t know, it’s probably because he just hasn’t thought about it before because he’s not interested in you as anything more than a friend.

Sucks, I know…
BUT, here are a few questions you need to ask yourself:

• Are you in this friendship solely because you want to date him? Or, do you genuinely care about him and care about being his friend? If your end goal (be honest about this) is to date him, you should back off immediately. If you’re in it because you care about him, then here’s where your first sacrifice comes in. Regardless of how you feel and what you hope for, I’d urge you to keep being his friend without ever letting those romantic feelings interfere with your friendship. 
• Can you be okay just being his friend? You may really care about him and his friendship above a romantic relationship, but it doesn’t mean that you’re able to be his friend. If it’s become something that’s all-consuming and distracting, if it’s become something that stirs up insecurity and self-destruction…you should back off. If your emotional and mental health are suffering so much that it affects your entire life, you should reevaluate the friendship. He should not be your number one priority. To figure out if he might be, mentally walk through your life without him… would you be okay if that happened? 
• How much can you handle? You may care about him, you may be okay without his existence in your life…and so you may think you can proceed in simply being friends with him. Maybe you can. Only you can really decide how much you can handle. Only you can decide how much time you should spend with him and how much of that time is spent causing more harm to your heart than good. Be willing to set up boundaries for yourself, if necessary. Don’t initiate hanging out with him, don’t initiate texting conversations…and even beyond initiating, you also hold the power to not hang out or to not text back. If you have to see him at various functions, enjoy the time you see him there, but be careful about extra time you spend with him-especially time alone together. This is one that requires major self-discipline because, like you said, you want to hang out with him and be close to him. So- this one is your call! 

“Russell was perfect. What’s wrong with me? Am I self-sabotaging? Am I secretly a Cylon?”
“You just didn’t love him.”
“But what if it’s me? What if I have some idea of love in my head and it’s just totally wrong?”

This is why I like watching television. In the midst of a ridiculous sitcom, like New Girl, there are some really introspective moments that so many of us can identify with. Jess has just broken up with her boyfriend and above is a brief dialogue with her best friend that we get to witness.

There have been moments where all of us feel like this, to some degree. Are we really just destroying ourselves, without even meaning to? Are we living our lives in such an illusion, hopeful of an ideal that simply just doesn’t exist? What if I, too, have an idea of love in my head and it’s just not what love is at all? What if I filter everything through that ideal and I push the good in front of me away because nothing measures up to this false reality I’ve created in my head?

It’s worth taking a look at.
I’ve battled with this same issue a lot- not always in regard to love, but it’s reared it’s head up in regard to community, family, friendships, jobs, ministry, etc. etc. There’s always a way things should be that doesn’t line up with how things actually are.

Been there?
Do you feel self-destructive in the way you handle situations?
I used to pat myself on the back for my criticism. I was glad that I wasn’t willing to settle for something less than perfection. By golly, if community is supposed to be a certain way, why would we ever want it to look different? If love isn’t supposed to be like this, why even waste my time pretending?

My quest for my version of perfection in all of these things made it impossible for me to co-exist with others (in relationships, friendships, community, jobs, family, etc.). Because, as time went on, I realized that they also had their own version of how things were supposed to be. They had their own values, their own priorities, their own dreams… and just because they looked different than mine, it didn’t mean that they were wrong. That was a hard lesson to swallow.

What if my idea of how things should be are wrong?
Or, even if they aren’t necessarily wrong, what if others have opinions/thoughts/ideas and theirs could also be right? Am I open-minded enough to allow for that to be the case?

And I think this is where the self-destruction can end.
A realization that my ideals don’t need to always be the thing that prevails. That my quest isn’t about finding perfection in all these various aspects of life… but it’s about something greater than that. That my end goal isn’t to have the perfect husband, family, love, job, community, friendship in the way that I’ve deemed perfection to be… but perhaps it has much more to do about surrender, sacrifice, and letting people simply be.

Instead of looking at what things are not present, looking at what is. Instead of disappointment in the things that are lacking within community, being grateful and amazed by the things that are true blessings that already exist.

It’s a shift of perspective.
It’s a willingness to admit that your version of perfection may not actually be perfection at all.
It’s a willingness to admit that, sometimes, the idea of love in your head might be totally wrong.

There’s so much hope to be found in this. There’s so much freedom.
And, instead of destroying all the good that already exists, you can embrace it and truly allow good things to happen to you….instead of pushing it away because you think it’s supposed to be better.

Maybe, when we stop always looking for better, we can realize that the good before us is better than we could have ever hoped for…

Maybe.

The comment:

I also for the first time am beginning to pursue a girl in the hopes of making a relationship that is pleasing to God. I’ve never been one to date; I’ve never even really had a girlfriend. However, I feel compelled by the Spirit to make a change and put myself out there like I never have, and to do so in a way that puts her interests first, no matter what that means (even if it means being zoned as a friend). It’s very weird because I’ve never experienced anything like this before, unless it was a major life choice that the Spirit was leading in a bigger-than-usual way. Talk about being uncomfortable with saying that. Its sound uber cliche and could easily be passed off as rationalizing. Is it? I don’t think so, but thats part of the tension.

Maybe you are rationalizing it… but, maybe you’re not. Only you really know your motivation and your heart, try as you may to convince the world, the Lord and yourself. I’m actually quite amazed at how good we can get at believing things that simply aren’t true and pawn it off on ‘God telling us to’. I’m not saying He’s not, but ‘following the Spirit’ can sometimes lead to shady things when we aren’t constantly going back to Scripture with the things we are sure we’ve been told.

Another tricky part of this situation is that once you’ve gotten the notion to pursue someone in such a fashion, you need to make sure you’re not in it to get something out of it…and, at least for me, that becomes next to impossible. I had a similar experience to yours a few years ago (check it out, if you haven’t).

As much as you can convince yourself that you’ll do whatever it takes to be there for her, to put her needs ahead of yours…you’ve already established that there is the hope of making a relationship. Perhaps you meant friendship, but, even at that rate…what if friendship isn’t what you get out of the whole ordeal? What if you literally get nothing in return? What if you get worse than nothing? Again, you can ask yourself what-ifs all day…

My point is that you already have expectations, whether you want to admit that or not. When you have the expectations, you can’t help but put those upon other people. In the end, if things don’t result in a relationship, you’ll probably be disappointed. I think that’s okay. I think that’s what reaching out to others often looks like. I don’t know how to tell you to love selflessly and to never expect anything in return… I don’t think that’s natural to us. Do we still have to do it? Absolutely…

Shoot- and ultimately, I give you props for pursuing, especially when it’s a completely unknown territory for you. It seems quite rare that men are willing to put themselves on the line for a girl without first knowing if there’s any sort of interest on the other side.

So basically, my thoughts in a more concise nutshell:

• In following the Spirit: are the things that you’re doing in line with what Scripture says (Scripture not taken out of context, that is). If you weigh each action, each word and it is line with what the Word says…keep walking into it. Keep pursuing. 
• Think about what it really might mean to put her interests first. It’s a promise, a commitment. And maybe you’re not making it to her (please don’t…not yet, anyway), but the depth of what you’re talking about goes much further than a ‘Oh, she’s not reciprocating at all, I must have heard wrong…’ If you decide to pursue this, and if what you’ve said above is your true heart behind it, you must be all in…no matter what. Even when… 
• Be a man who is bold and confidant. Maybe the Lord’s just urging you to walk in that boldly and this girl is the first of many that you will honor and respect and you (and they) will learn a lot about godly relationships through the way that you’re being obedient. Be ready to learn a thousand lessons along the way that will be different from what you originally thought you might learn. It’s a fun adventure! 
• She may not be the one for you. Please don’t let the first thing that you tell her in a DTR be that you really feel like the Lord is leading you into this specifically. If she’s not feeling the same way it can cause both of you to unnecessarily question whether or not you’re hearing from the Lord at all. Perhaps approach it from more of a, ‘I feel compelled by the Spirit to make a change and put myself out there in a way I never have before…and you’ve really caught my eye because…’. 

I hate it when my mom is right.

In fact, I probably fear that she’s right a whole lot more than I typically give her credit for. She’s recently gotten in the habit of pointing to the new growth on her head, emphatically reminding me how gray she is and telling me that it ain’t gray for no reason. I usually roll my eyes, but secretly I’m thankful for not only the woman she is in my life, but also the woman she is becoming. She’s a cancer warrior… a survivor.

This story isn’t about cancer though. It’s about her being right.
Growing up, my mom frequently told me that she couldn’t wait to see me have a daughter that was just like me. It was always said in the midst of an argument or while I was clearly being selfish, stubborn, indignant, etc., etc., etc. (which, yes, was almost all of the time). This is one of those things that I sincerely hope she’s wrong about. I don’t think I want a daughter just like me…

Anyway, as you’re most likely aware, I’ve recently left my job and while I’m still doing a few things hourly for them, my financial situation is no longer what it was. Working at a camp allows you to cut corners on a few things (rent, utilities, oftentimes food), and while your salary isn’t anything to brag about, you’re also not paying a lot of the expenses that ‘normal’ people have to.

In the midst of this transition, insurance became a fun topic of discussion. Honestly, I have a hard time caring about insurance because I’ve never really needed it. I never grew up going to the doctor (partially because my dad is one), but I just didn’t have many reasons to (aside from the time I got my finger smushed off). The last 6 years have been quite low key as far as my medical expenses have gone. Why wouldn’t that trend continue on?

I’m currently insurance-less.
I’m also, now, getting surgery tomorrow.

Several days ago my throat starting swelling and my jaw started throbbing, and while I’ve felt similar pain here before, something was a bit different this time. I choked down some ibuprofen, sure that this would pass, and enjoyed my merry day.

Each night I’d go to bed, hoping that I’d wake up the next morning and feel remarkably better. Each night I’d wake up several times, unable to swallow and with pain in the back of the right side of my mouth. Since I was adamant about not going to a doctor or a dentist, I searched and searched until was able to get a sufficient self-diagnosis.

No big deal… just my wisdom teeth. And just an infection that I should get looked at immediately…
While I had great plans to get rid of the infection on my own, I knew that unless I got antibiotics  I wasn’t going to feel better. I also wasn’t so worried about actually getting the teeth taken out, but the money that it would require to do so.

This is the part where my mom comes in, as evidenced below:

It wasn’t so much the latter part of our conversation that struck an ‘a-ha’ chord in me… but, she made a great point that I rolled my eyes to at the time (can’t you just taste it in that ‘Ha.’?). Ultimately, the pain had gotten pretty unbearable, so I finally sucked it up, found a dentist within walking distance, made an appointment and went (I only had to walk part-way in the rain, don’t worry).

“You’re definitely going to need those out soon.”
I know.
I know. I just don’t want to spend thousands of dollars to do it, okay really nice lady??

I was referred to the Oral Surgeon with an consultation scheduled for that same day, and there was the promise of getting me into surgery before the end of the week…giving me plenty of time to heal before my next travels.

My mom’s words rang in my head again. Don’t you hate it when that happens? She had a point.

I did have the money. The money isn’t mine to hold onto. Here is provision staring at me in the face and all I can think about are the what-ifs of my future. What if I need that money to go to grad school? What if I can’t find a job once these next few months are over? What if I get into some other financial trouble with my car or my health and I need that money? 

What if…? 

Dang, we can sure play that game for a while, can’t we…?

What I realize? I have been taken care of for today… and I don’t need to worry about all the what-ifs of tomorrow. Shoot, maybe my mom is right and I’ll meet a rich, single man to help out with finances. But, if not… I’m not worried. Because my God is a God who provides.
And so today…? Today I’m just thankful.

Let’s not forget it.
Even when we have to spend money and our bank accounts dwindle.

And, in the meantime, maybe I’ll walk away tomorrow with some sort of memory like this to cherish forever.