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‘…I felt–no, not beautiful. Even on such a romantic day as this I could not persuade myself of that. I knew that my jaw was too square, my legs too long, my hands too large. But I earnestly believed–and all the books agreed–that I would look beautiful to the man who loved me.‘ -Corrie Ten Boom

I get to read a lot in graduate school. Did you read that right? Get to? Yes. Yes you did. While sometimes the reading is agonizing, sometimes you get to read something beautiful, insightful, challenging, eye-opening…sometimes you even learn something new. Weird, right?

The Hiding Place was my most recent conquest, and while my heart ached (and at one point, after women in a prison count the shots fired that ultimately killed 700 men one-by-one, I had throw the book across the table)…I was entranced by the beauty of the story. A story about the Holocaust. A story about death, despair and unimaginable living conditions… but it’s a story about hope.

Anyway– I’m not going to post about the Holocaust, or even really Corrie Ten Boom… but there’s my plug for that book. You should read it.

I am, however, going to talk about that quote above.
I think there’s a lot of freedom for us women in that quote.
Here’s why: even if we might be able to convince ourselves sometimes that we’re beautiful, it doesn’t ever seem to last for any amount of time. It’s a fleeting thought, a brief emotion, a ‘truth’ that we are ‘supposed’ to believe about ourselves and so we do everything we can to make what we think about ourselves line up with what we say we should think about ourselves. It’s really quite complicated…

I know that I can leave my house in the morning feeling quite confident in my appearance and then catch a glimpse of myself in the reflection of a window an hour later and be baffled that I ever left the house wearing that. Or, how come the mirror in my bathroom lied to me? My review mirror seems to be a much more accurate reflection of all the flaws on my face.

We ‘fix’ the things we can fix about ourselves, and we try to fix a whole lot more things less successfully. We spend hours maintaining our image…but at the end of the day, we’re sometimes left with jaws that are too square, legs that are too long, hands that are too large.

There’s only so much we can ‘fix’ about our appearance.
So at what point do we just accept that we are who we are? At what point do we say, ‘This is just what I look like and it’s going to have to do.’… and at what point can we be confident in that?

‘But I earnestly believed–and all the books agreed–that I would look beautiful to the man who loved me.‘

It’s only a little ironic that Corrie Ten Boom never got married…. but that doesn’t make what she wrote any less true. And isn’t there this flood of freedom that comes in that?
Maybe it’s just me.
But it’s a simple reminder that I can be exactly who I am and someday, somehow, for some unknown reasons… I earnestly believe that some man will choose me, that I will look beautiful to the man who chooses to love me for the rest of life (even on those ‘ugly’ days).

It dives in deeper than appearances, too. Sometimes, at the peak of my ‘weird’ moments, I think, ‘I wonder if I will ever be able to act like this around my husband someday…’. Because… I can be weird.

I earnestly believe that I will look and be beautiful to the man who loves me… even in my weird moods, even with no make-up, even with grey hair, even with wrinkles, even with flabby thighs and a triple chin. It’s gonna be awesome.

So, even if finding a man were the most important thing in your life… (because, it’s not…)?
I hope you recognize that you don’t have to be someone that you’re not. You don’t have to ‘fix’ yourself before anyone will ever think you’re desirable. It’ll happen. And for all those guys who seem to be passing you by right now? Just be thankful. Be thankful that God’s good in this, that He’s protecting you, that even when you don’t understand and you feel like you’re never going to be good enough, smart enough, pretty enough….. that He’s got this. He has your back.

Trust Him.
And trust Him that He’s going to provide someone for you who thinks you’re beautiful, no matter what you look like.

And, that’s actually a more beautiful thing to me than us altering ourselves and ‘fixing’ ourselves for men to want to be with us.

It’ll happen.
Be You.
In every way.
The fullness of who you were created to be.
May we find true joy there.

The comment:

I’m extremely blessed and lucky and have so much to be thankful for BUT sometimes it’s hard to not be down and want more. How can I live life to fullest and be thankful for my blessings while also knowing its ok to be down sometimes or how can I get out of that “down” feeling?

As easy as it is for me to spout off verses and quotes and great ideas for how to be content no matter your circumstances, it’s always a bit trickier than that. Because, you’re right. Sometimes, even when life seems to be going really well, it’s possible to just feel ‘down’. 

I think there’s this unsatisfied feeling that we’re occasionally going to enter into simply by existing here on earth. A feeling that, ‘This isn’t how it’s supposed to be.’… and maybe a few days later, you’ll feel the exact opposite. It’s the nature of our fallen world mixed with our crazy emotions, and sometimes our crazy hormones (yes ladies, unfortunately, I do believe that they can play a pretty big part on the ‘down’ feelings we encounter every month or so). 

The most crucial part of encountering the ‘down’ feeling is how we respond to it. It seems there’s a lot to be said for recognizing that this feeling doesn’t define us, and also not letting it dictate how we live our lives. 

What I mean by that is this: 
When I’m feeling down or can admit that something may not be how I want it to be in my life, regardless of the millions of things that I do have to be thankful for… it’s easy to slip into ‘pity-party’ mode. It’s easy to focus on the negative and to allow ourselves to only see what we are missing vs. what we have. Sometimes we allow ourselves to dwell so much in what we don’t have, that we begin to see ourselves in terms of what we are missing. Instead of choosing to live a life that’s filled with giving, serving, interacting with and loving others we may begin to isolate ourselves, spend time alone feeling sorry for ourselves, believe that other people want to have nothing to do with us. Our opinion of ourselves in the midst of our pity-party can become the lens in which we filter everything else through, often putting distance between ourselves and others. This typically allows room for lies to breed and for us to slip further into feeling sorry for ourselves (often times unnecessarily). 

Don’t feel like you have to fake your way out of the ‘down’ feeling. Actually, I think it’s really healthy for us to acknowledge the ‘down’ feelings…to acknowledge that they are real and that they have an effect on us. I think it’s good for us to admit this to ourselves, the Lord, and to others as we then choose to not live/dwell in that mindset. To be able to say, ‘I’m having a bad day, and I’m not even sure why…’, but then to persevere through that. There’s something really powerful in admitting what’s going on and then inviting others into the ‘down’-ness with you. Oftentimes surrounding yourself with others is a good way to be reminded that there’s much to laugh about and the things you are ‘down’ about and feel are lacking in your life are really quite trivial. 

Sometimes I think there’s also an okay-factor to just being ‘pathetic’ for a few hours or a night. To step into a comfortable place and to do things that are fairly mindless and purposeless (like chow down on some cookie dough while watching your favorite sit-com by yourself). I think the danger comes when that becomes our norm and seeking out others, being invested and involved in other things becomes the rare occasion. But, sometimes you just need a night alone. Sometimes a day just feels sucky (even in the midst of all the good stuff going on), and you need to veg out. I get it. Just don’t dwell there. 

And, I think there’s that whole being honest with the Lord factor that’s going to be vital here. Those times when you can tell Him all the things that you’re truly thankful for, but that you’re still just feeling down for whatever reason. The more you talk to Him (like really talk to Him), the more you’ll find yourself in a better place….even if sometimes that means in the middle you’re weeping and blabbering. When you continue to talk and push through all of that, He’s pretty good at reminding you of who He is, what His promises are, what He thinks of you, and what really matters in life. Try it. 

I think it’s fairly normal to have a ‘down’ day every now and again. But, if that’s your norm and you find yourself there all the time, even when you can recognize all the good stuff going on… I’d encourage you to seek out some professional help. Well, let’s be honest. I’d probably encourage everyone to seek out a counselor just because of how healthy and good it can be to have an unbiased party listening and offering insight into your life (and because I’m going into the field and I want your business……). 

While I said it was easy to throw some verses at you that sometimes don’t seem super helpful, I encountered one recently that I found especially insightful. Perhaps you’ve heard it before: I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. Despite what you’ve maybe heard about this verse (like that somehow in reciting it to yourself you would be able to fly to the moon and back), it has everything to do with finding contentment, no matter our circumstances. It has everything to do with God’s provision…that despite our poverty or our wealth….despite what we are lacking or what we have… that with Christ we are able to persevere through anything because of the strength He supplies us. 

I think it’s especially applicable as you are thankful for what you have and yet, sometimes, unsatisfied with what you do not have. Through Christ, through what He has already accomplished for us on the cross, we can endure….and because of that, contentment can be found (even if it’s not instantaneous). 

Life is hard. 
Truly it is. 
I think it’s unfair of us to expect and demand giddiness through the ‘down’ moments. And, I think that sometimes that as we persevere through the ‘down’ feelings and seek to live in a way that is honoring to the Lord… that we are learning more of what it means to live life to the fullest, that we are learning more of what it means to be truly thankful for the things that we do have. I think the more we choose to respond in a way that isn’t so focused on ourselves and our feelings of want, the more we step into a place of learning a truer meaning of sacrificial love. 

Be honest. 
Be real. 
Be raw. 
Remember that you’re a work in progress and allow the refining to happen, recognizing that it’s rarely an easy (or quick) process. 

It’s okay. 
It’s life. At least right now. 

(Below is a written dialogue between myself and blogger/friend, Bryn Clark…he’s a he, in case there’s any confusion. Check out his blog when you get a moment!) 

ME: 
I asked a boy to get ice cream. 

Last night I nestled down to watch Zero Dark Thirty. About five minutes in, I realized it wasn’t exactly a ‘nestle-down’ kind of movie. The movie is about the hunt for Osama Bin-Laden.

This afternoon I settled into my three-hour class. About five minutes in, I realized it wasn’t exactly a ‘settle-into’ kind of class. The lecture was on the Holocaust.

Halfway through the class, things got even more unsettling as news of the Boston Marathon bombing leaked its way in through text messages, Facebook statuses, and news reports (don’t worry, I live about 25 miles north of the city and was well out of harms way).

It’s been twenty-four hours of being reminded that there is evil in this world, and it’s been twenty-four hours of contemplating what my response needs to be toward such events.

While the past tragedies and horror seem far off and distant, the one today was closer to home. Friends were calling friends who were running in or watching the marathon. Stories slowly began to surface of how people left the spot of the bombing just moments before they went off, or how, for whatever reason, there were decisions to not go to the marathon for the first time in years at the last minute. Little decisions. Little decisions that can change everything.

Our lecturer today asked us to consider how we ought to respond in the face of evil.
I’ve been thinking a lot about how we do respond and how we should respond.

It’s a lot to take in.
And while it’s easy to brush off past events because they aren’t often slapping us in the face, I think it’s vital for us to be aware. It’s shocking, it’s horrifying, it’s unbelievable… but it happened. It’s happening. Terror, despair, confusion, mass chaos caused by fear of explosions, raids, lives being taken…

There is evil in this world.

What is our response?
What should our response be?

Think about it.

When I eat Lucky Charms, I like to save as many marshmallows as possible until the very end. You see, they’re my favorite part of the cereal…so I want to eat them last.

When I eat a burger, I eat allllllll the way around the edges, saving the middle for the end. You see, the middle is my favorite part of the burger…so I want to eat it last.

I do the same thing with sandwiches (subs, included), quesadillas, hot dogs (yes, I love hot dogs), pizza, cake, cookies and any other food that you can possibly save the middle for last. I never eat my dessert first. Sometimes, when I have a really hard time choosing which food I like most, I have to take alternating bites of each food as I try to figure out which one should win the award of, ‘Last Bite’. Red and pink Starbursts get eaten last, as do the red Skittles.

If you haven’t picked up on the trend yet, I like to save the best for last.

While I could talk about food all day long, that’s not exactly what this post is about. I merely think that the way I eat food is an accurate representation of how I want my life to be. I want the best things to happen last…which mostly means I want life to keep getting better and better.

I can’t imagine existing in a world where I think that my ‘best years are behind me’. I can’t imagine finding contentment in believing that things won’t ever be better than what I’ve already experienced. It seems absurd to me.

Don’t get me wrong… better doesn’t necessarily mean easier. While I can sometimes pine after the days when I never had to care about gas prices, or think twice about what dinner was going to be… there’s something better about being older, having independence, and figuring out my way through life. There’s something better about learning the good through the pain, through taking risks, through experiencing the depth that often accompanies relationships with others. There’s something better about knowing how to ride a bike, even though it might have taken a few falls and bloody noses to get there.

There’s something beautiful about learning…and seeing how The Better comes into fruition, even if it’s not necessarily painless or easy.

I think it’s beautiful because there’s always something to hope for, always something to look forward to, always a reminder that this isn’t it. And, beyond life here on earth… there’s the abundantly better that awaits us in eternity.

It’s exciting to me.
I hope it is to you, too.

The best is yet to come. Frank Sinatra was onto something… (even if the song is primarily about a romantic relationship).

Even when it’s hard, even when it seems like the best years of your life are in the past, even as the gray hairs emerge, the wrinkles begin to form, and the aches and pains come from the very activities that used to be a breeze…. there’s still much to hope for.

Seize the fullness of your present lives, knowing that each day has potential to better than yesterday was.

May our lives keep getting better and better (even if they sometimes feel harder), as we are molded, refined, shaped, and learning the fullness of what it means to be more like Jesus.

Saving the best for last…until the day when the best becomes all we know.

Have you ever wondered after a break-up, ‘How soon is too soon to start dating again…?’

It’s an interesting question and usually warrants a million more questions. Some like to stick to some formula that makes them sleep better at night. Something along the lines of ‘double the amount of time that you dated, and then you should be ready’….or, maybe it’s the opposite: ‘take half of the time that you were dating and you should be good to go!’

I’ve never been one for any sort of specific time frame though. Who am I to tell that person who just got out a long, serious relationship that they shouldn’t be dating someone else a few weeks later? What do I know? How many times have I been wrong and watched the most unlikely couples make it, even if they seemed spawned out of a rebound of a situation? A lot, is the answer.

A friend asked me recently if I felt like I was ready to date again, and if I was, how long I had felt that way. Their answer was quite different than mine, as the three year relationship that ended two years ago was still keeping them from really wanting to pursue other relationships. It reminded me that people are people…which means that we’re all uniquely wired and our experiences are incredibly different.

While I felt like my break ups had pushed me into a greater understanding of who I am, who the Lord is, and what type of person I should probably be with (which allowed me to feel pretty ready for whatever was next somewhat quickly), there are other instances where relationships inspire and give life to the point where you can’t imagine anyone else ever doing the same. Those break ups take more time to recover from. The type of break ups where hearts are broken, where hope is lost and you truly can’t imagine life without the other person.

The thing about setting up some sort of time frame for when you should be over someone is this: rarely does anything happen when you want it to…especially matters of the heart. How devastating is it when you reach that point in time when you decided you would be over that person and realize that you actually aren’t? What types of emotions set it in? Suddenly the wound has room to grow, and the pain becomes intensely searing again as lies tumble in, reminding you of how big of a loser you are for not yet being over the guy who dumped you for another girl. Or, what if you’ve established a time frame and the guy/girl you’ve been hoping for suddenly enters into the equation before you’re ‘ready’? Shoot… better wait, eh?

Sometimes we just want to be done with the pain that accompanies the break up, so we try to rush through it quickly. I know for me, there’s an element of, ‘I’ve done break-ups before’….so I kind of feel like I know what steps I need to take in order to ‘get over someone’. I’m familiar with the pain and so I try to get through that as fast as I can so I can get onto whatever’s next.

It’s not so easy.
Because even though I can think I’m over someone, sometimes I don’t realize how not ready I am to date again until I’m confronted with the possibility of what dating someone else could look like. I wrote the following once when ‘moving on’ became a reality:

I want healing.
I want to trust again. 
But, I feel broken. 
There’s a part of me that thinks that if I just write enough, if I process enough, that I can figure it out…that I can fix myself. There’s a part of me that thinks that if I just run away from it all, that it won’t come back to haunt me again.
But it does. 
In the quiet places, in the secret rooms of my heart…a storm is brewing. It makes me second-guess people, it makes me assume the worst, it causes me to believe that there is no one good and it is better for me to be alone. 
Open my heart again? 
Open my heart up to someone who isn’t the screaming version of perfection that I desire…again? It didn’t work last time–why would it work this time? Would I even want it to? 

There’s not a ‘set time’ for when it’s ‘too soon’ to start dating again…but, I think it’s vital for us to have an awareness of what we are bringing with us into our next relationship. It’s vital for us to know our wounds and our hurts and to have an understanding of how that might affect the way that we communicate with, relate to and trust our next significant other.

I think we kind of know when we’re moving on too quickly, when we’re moving on to fill the void, when we’re moving on to replace the pain with someone who makes us feel wanted and worthy again. Be willing to avoid the temptation of the rebound, to avoid rushing into something because it feels easier to be with someone than to be alone… but don’t be scared of entering into a good relationship because it’s ‘too soon’ according to some time frame you’ve created for yourself (or you feel like others have placed on you).

In the end, we’re all messy people bringing in lots of baggage into relationships (even if you’ve never dated before….sometimes the fact that you’ve haven’t dated causes you to bring in a whole new type of baggage). I think it’s only by the grace of God that relationships even have a chance of success…

Just be smart. Know yourself. Pray a lot. Seek wise council.
There’s not a right answer to this one.
Sometimes the healing just takes time…and sometimes there’s a new person just waiting for you to get out of that relationship and you should seize the opportunity, knowing that healing will come as you journey into a new relationship with them. It’s all crazy and all over the place… but there’s no formula for it.

You know if it’s too soon.
You also know if you’re just scared and running from good things and using the ‘too soon’ as an excuse.

Be honest with yourself.
Your actions don’t just affect you anymore…

I started a new journal recently.

The blank pages before me were inviting as I saw a chance to write a different story than the one I had previously been writing. It felt like a fresh start… a blank slate (quite literally).

I had closed out the last page of my old journal and was ready for something new, something different…something good. I no longer wanted the same things to define me, I no longer wanted to be caught up in the cyclical patterns of life that seemed to drone on and on with this overwhelming feeling that nothing ever changes.

Have you ever felt like that about a new journal? Have you ever felt like that about life….whether that was going to a new job, a new school, a new city, a new church, etc.? That maybe this was your chance for things to be different? Truly different?

The journal seemed only a metaphor for my life. While I had, yes, moved across the country and started a ‘new’ life…it was time for me to really seize the newness, and this journal, by golly, was going to reflect that.

Page one was full of optimism as my dreams of ‘what could be’ kept me soaring…almost like the start of the New Year. But as I sat down to write for a second time, I was plagued by a sameness. I could write something that gave an illusion that my life was not marked by the same fears, doubts, disappointments, concerns, questions… but, it would be a lie. And, what’s the point of journaling if you’re fabricating everything you write?

It was frustrating. And defeating.
And it reminded me that we can run from ourselves and our problems without dealing with the real issue at hand. That while I may have started a new life and am doing new things… there’s a sameness to my life. I am the same. My interests are the same, the type of people I typically connect with are the same, my sins are the same, my dreams are the same, my fears are the same… and maybe that’s okay.

It was just one of those times when I wanted to be done with me and the junk I had gotten so accustomed to dealing with. I think, on some level, there’s a part of me that in moving hoped that lots of things would be different. A fresh start, if you will. But I’m still me.

Maybe change is more gradual than I want it to be sometimes. Maybe dreams don’t come true over night. Maybe they take time, hard work and perseverance and you might sometimes feel like you’re failing before you ever feel like you’re succeeding. Maybe I’m becoming a better person all the time, but I’m still an imperfect person who still messes up….but maybe I’m taking two steps forward and only one back.

Sometimes I get hung up on the failing and the step backward and forget that perhaps there is some forward momentum. That maybe I don’t need a completely fresh start. That maybe there are already some good components in the mix and change is happening, even if I don’t always feel like that’s the case.

I’m telling a story. So are you.
I think they’re good stories, even if sometimes they feel a little ‘blah, blah, blah’-ish. Because, in the end, I don’t really think we’re the same people that we started out as. I have to believe that, over time, and by the grace and mercy of the Lord, that we are truly being sanctified through and through.

There are lots of blank pages to fill up, and even if sometimes it feels like I’m saying the same thing over and over again… I think, somewhere in me, I know that change is happening.

I’m hopeful that it is.
For all of us.
A moving towards better, even as we fail, screw up, let ourselves and others down…
Two steps forward.
It’s slow, and sometimes agonizing, but it’s happening.

I’m thankful.

The comment:

I don’t date…like ever. Yet, every time I have a potential man in my life (or even just in conversations with guy friends), men are always surprised that I don’t get attention from other guys. I don’t get asked out. I don’t get pursued. But I get told by guys (who don’t know otherwise) that they’re SO SURE I’ve got guys chasing me. Or they think I’m out of their league. Why do guys say this stuff? I know my lack of a dating life is due in part to my awkwardness and insecurities. But am I just getting skipped over by guys who assume I have other options? If I was a gorgeous supermodel, I would understand. But I’m just a normal girl. And I can’t be the only girl in this position. Why won’t guys take a chance on me?

It’s a two-fold question, so I’ll try to address them both accordingly.

I did ask around to a few guys, wondering in what context they might tell a girl that they were ‘SO SURE’ that she would have guys chasing them. To me it sounded like the common exchange between girls (you know, all the comforting things that girls say to each other when it comes to relationship advice that helped with the success of He’s Just Not That Into You). The first few guys I talked to seemed a bit baffled that any guy would ever tell a girl those things. They wanted more information on the situation at hand in order to correctly assess why guys might say that to a girl.

The next guy I talked to provided a bit more insight into why he might tell a girl that. His reasons were the following:

1. He’s currently in a relationship. This frees him up to be more encouraging without the fear of leading the single girl on. He can acknowledge that the single girl is cool and although he’s not interested, he can see traits and characteristics in her that other guys would also think are quality. 
2. He’s been shot down by the girl he is telling this to (whether she knew it or not). Mostly this means that while he thinks she’s incredible, she’s made it very clear to him that she would never give him the time of day. Therefore, he may offer up his opinions of how great she is but never pursue it because he’s certain that he doesn’t stand a chance on any romantic level. 
3. He’s moving in the direction of pursuing her, but he’s not there just yet. He’s still sorting through things, taking his time…but he wants the girl to know that she is worth it. 

I’m a super indecisive person. Decisions are hard and even scary. Usually, I can make due by either letting other people make decisions or by just not deciding and suffering the consequences. But now, I’m looking for colleges, making life plans, deciding my future. It’s overwhelming. It’s paralyzing. What if I make the wrong decisions or mess everything up! I can’t let others decide this sort of stuff because I’m the one who has to daily live with and in the decisions.  

I’m not really good at the whole “let go, let God” thing. Im a worrier as well. I don’t really know how to pray for guidance or allow Him to guide me to a decision.  

I’ve only felt God/HS say NO/YES once when it comes to plans and that was regarding my summer schedule. I felt like I was confident and sure of where I did and didn’t need to be. I’m not sure how to get back to that point where I can sense the plans God has for me? I don’t think remaining paralyzed by fear is God pleasing but deciding the “wrong thing” probs isn’t either. I struggle with trusting God with my decisions and seeing what God has planned for me.

Well, the good news is that you’re not alone. The bad news is that that doesn’t really help in making the decisions any easier.

I think you have some good thoughts already forming. It isn’t good for you to let others decide things for you because, yes, you’re the only one actually living your own life. And, you’re right… I don’t think that being paralyzed by fear is what God intends for us at all.

I think we too often get caught up in wanting God to speak to us in very clear and audible terms. It would make it much easier if He could just tell us everything He’d like for us to do and every turn to make when we get to another dead end. Unfortunately, it doesn’t usually work that way.

So, we’re left with some decisions. We can either stay paralyzed in our fear, or we can do something. I think we’re often so scared of doing the wrong thing, that we don’t do anything at all… and that’s exactly the opposite of what God is asking us to do. I just think there’s a lot less ‘wrong’ choices than we think, especially when it comes to picking out schools and deciding on majors and jobs and all the choices we’re faced with as we continue to get older. I mostly think that God is calling us to be obedient to Him wherever we are, doing whatever we are doing.

I heard a good sermon on this a few weeks back, actually. Using Romans 1, the pastor reminded us that we are all called to obedience, we are called to belong to Christ, and we are called to to holiness. Essentially this means that there’s a lot of room for us to make choices as long as we are living in the fullness of these things. Being obedient, finding our identity in Him and walking in holiness.

So, as you’re choosing schools… I don’t necessarily think there’s a wrong choice. There may be schools that will be better equipped to help prepare you for what you are going to do with the rest of your life, but you may not even know what that is right now. I think that’s okay. Consider what you think is important in a school and why you think it’s important. There are tons of factors that go into the decision, but, at the end of the day, I don’t think that you’re going to make a wrong choice… especially if you are seeking Him wholeheartedly.

There’s nothing to be fearful of. It all works out. Talk to older, wiser people, but definitely don’t feel like you have to do what they said just to please them. It is your life…and only you can know fully what you feel equipped for, called to (vocationally), and gifted in. Others might help in pointing those things out to you, but until you accept them fully for yourself, you’ll never step into them completely.

I do think there are probably times in life when God specifically calls us to specific places for specific seasons in our lives… I just don’t think that’s always the case. Like, I probably could have gone somewhere different for graduate school, or for undergrad, or even a different camp to work at full-time… and while my experience would have been drastically different, I don’t necessarily think that they would have been wrong.

The cool part is that God already knows what you’re going to choose, where you’re going to go, who you’re going to meet, and how you’re going to live.

Make some decisions and make them knowing that you’ve committed your life wholly to Christ… and if you’re truly dedicated and intending on living a life of full surrender… I honestly think that everything is going to fall into place, no matter which school you pick.

Be obedient in love… no matter where you are.
Find your worth and your identity in Him…no matter where you are.
And strive for holiness, for being set apart… no matter where you are.

I pray that you find the freedom to make decisions, trusting fully that the Lord is good and that He longs for you to pursue the things you love, the things you are passionate about, the things you are gifted in…and that He has created you that way for a perfect reason.

There’s less to worry about when we can fully believe that maybe there are multiple right decisions to choose from….and that we get to choose!

Embrace it. It’ll be okay.