Author: debbie beal

Balance.

It’s a word that comes up repeatedly in life. How do you balance this with that? Your job with your family? Your education with your social life? Your friends with your boyfriend? How do you properly invest time in multiple things without neglecting any of them? How do you make people in various circles continually feel like they’re valued to you, even as other priorities arise?

Honestly, sometimes I think we suck at balance. Especially as females when we enter into dating relationships. Suddenly we disappear from everyone else’s life and slip into a place where only our significant other can find us, contact us, communicate with us, hang out with us. No one else matters.

As I’ve gotten older and remained single while almost all of my friends found the love of their life, I watched as they handled balance. Some did it gracefully, and some just didn’t do it at all. I actually grew quite hardened as they began to date people, not because I wasn’t excited about them being in relationships, but because I wasn’t excited about them being in relationships. Yep, you read that right. Mostly I just got the point where I began to dismiss the friendship because I was used to becoming a low priority on their list. They were too enamored in their newfound love to remember me and care about me and so I inserted distance before they ever could.

It wasn’t fair.
Nor was it kind.
It was me making our relationship all about me and what I needed/wanted out of that friendship and when they weren’t, for that season, able to give me what they had before… I checked out. It was something I did out of hurt. It was my proactive response to feeling like they were always going to choose their boyfriend/fiance over me. More self-preservation techniques brought to you by yours truly.

I think balance is important though. But, I think beyond that, that we have to be people who choose to love people regardless of the various seasons we go through in life.

As I enter into a new relationship, I want to still be aware of the friends in my life. I want them to feel valued and cared about. I don’t want my friendships to be consumed with me talking about my new relationship, either. There has to be a way for me to still be approachable and for others to know that regardless of my relationship status, it doesn’t change the fact that I love them. I have to be proactive about making time to hang out, about prioritizing, about letting people outside of my relationship know they still matter.

Because, they do. I need them. I need friends to know how I’m doing and where I’m at and what they can be praying for me about. I need to have perspective outside of a dating relationship so I don’t get so sucked in that I lose sight of everything else.

On the flip side, I think friends need to be gracious as couples seek out balance in their relationships. They won’t be perfect at it, especially not at first. Instead of being like me, I feel like we need to be better at recognizing that oftentimes, the departure into la-la-land is only temporary. We need to be friends who are willing to remain friends, even when we feel like we’re getting the short end of the stick, even when we feel like our friends have abandoned us, even when we feel like we no longer matter. More often than not, we still matter… it just takes some time to figure out how navigate through all of that well, how to have balance as people learn how to invest fully into a relationship and also into their friendships.

So, I guess there’s a plea for patience.
Let’s be friends who are patient with each other as we figure out how to maintain balance. But let’s also be friends who are proactively seeking to find that balance as we find ourselves in new situations, jobs, relationships…that we may live abundantly out of love with all people in our lives.

Let’s not disengage, let’s not withdrawal….on either end. Let’s not take ourselves out of people’s lives and let’s not be so consumed in only one other person’s life that we’re missing out on the joy and necessity of relationships with all people.

Let’s learn love each other through it all without harboring resentment or animosity toward one another.
Deal?

Sometimes I get terrified.

In the midst of good stuff, I feel like I’m always waiting, expecting, anticipating The Crash to occur. Things that are this good don’t actually happen, I think. And so I brace myself for the worst. Better to be equipped for the blow than caught off guard by it, right?

I’m realizing how debilitating it is to live life like this though. How suffocating.

Could I ever exist in the center of something good without wondering about The Crash? Could I ever possibly believe that good can sometimes just be good? Could I ever let myself have a moment of good without ruining it completely by focusing on the potential bad?

This summer, as I was planning on moving my life again and starting a job that was risky and uncertain (a job that, in so many ways, also felt too good to be true)… I often hesitated. What if it doesn’t work out? I kept waiting for something to interfere. I kept waiting for all the bad stuff to surface…because something like this doesn’t happen to someone like me. And so I’m scared to believe that it could and that it would. Sometimes I’m so scared that it limits me from moving forward into whatever lies before me.

It happens in relationships, in friendships.
People don’t and can’t actually care this much about me. It’s absurd. Eventually they’ll realize who I really am and change their tune. I brace for The Crash.

It seems easier to tell myself that bad is always around the corner. It seems easier to be prepared for what I think of as ‘reality’. It’s self-preservation, really…

But, it’s suffocating.
Living a life in fear of The Crash, anticipating that bad will always come leaves me no room to truly enjoy the good. It leaves me no room to exist in a place of joy because I’m simultaneously caught up in wondering when the bad will appear and destroy whatever good thing I’m in.

I sat down with a dear friend today and as we talked through some of my fears and insecurities, she reminded me that while it’s easy to operate out of my brokenness and deep wounds…there’s a freedom that’s been offered to me. She reminded me that there’s an enemy who would love nothing more than to see me so fearful of The Crash that it robs me of truly rejoicing in and enjoying the good. She reminded me that perfect love casts out fear.

There’s freedom.
It’s mine… if I choose to embrace it.
Christ has come, He loves me so much, He longs to give even me good… will I allow that love to throw out the fear?
Can I embrace the good?
Can I let it be exactly what it is?
Can I trust who the Lord says that He is? A Father who gives generously to His children…? A Father who doesn’t give a snake when His child asks for a fish…?

I must.
I can’t let the lies, the fears, the worries destroy the good in my life any longer… nor do I want it to. There doesn’t always have to be The Crash, and I want to live confidently in knowing who my trust is in that I’ll be someone who rejoices regardless of my circumstances, not because I tried to prepare for them ahead of time.

I can’t possibly know what’s coming.
I can’t live life weighing all the terrible possibilities, waiting for one of them to drop down on me.

And so I’ll enjoy the good.
The blessings that have been given to me that are abundantly more than I deserve.
Because He is a good God. All the time.

I want to live in that truth and let it be what defines my life… instead of in fear of The Crash.
It’s better.

Of that, I am sure.

It’s snowing.
It’s October 15th and it’s snowing. Because now I live in the mountains.

This is my life.

My job feels like I’m doing a thousand things at once, struggling to identify which things are the most important to spend time on first. We’re all filling holes, stepping into roles we hardly feel qualified for, and hoping and praying that the Lord will bless our efforts as we invite people to come.

This is my life.

I’m dating someone now.
I’m 29 years old and I’ve been the most doubtful and cynical person when it comes to matters of the heart, but now I find myself hardly recognizable. I’ve become gushy and mushy and confident that this is good.

This is my life.

What is my life?
It continues to be the question that my roommate and I ask ourselves (and each other) quite frequently. We’ve stepped into this known, yet highly unknown, territory and are taking it a day at a time. We’re a motley crew that’s assembled to do whatever it takes to see a ministry thriving and declaring the Gospel, that’s all about true life-change. We’ve moved far distances, we’ve given up things, we’ve left loved ones, we’ve jumped on board of a dream that sometimes still feels overwhelmingly unattainable.

This is my life.

And it’s a good life.
It’s a new life.
A different life.
A life full of surprises, unexpected blessings… a life filled with risks and unknowns and spontaneity and flexibility.

I’ve blogged a lot about changed lives. About being someone different. About longing to see how the Lord can truly change people….often fearing that I was never on His radar. Often feeling as though I was caught up in repetitive cycles with no way out. Always feeling like I could never escape the pessimism and the skepticism that often chained me.

What about me? 
Can I be different than this?
It was a plea of desperation as I continually recognized the many ways in which I was always the same.

But… I’ve felt different lately.
Hopeful.
Joyful.
Excited.
It’s been a year of becoming a different person as I stepped away from something wonderful and walked into the unknown, only to find myself facing newness of a different kind. Meeting new people, living new places, experiencing a world that pushed me, challenged me, required something of me while simultaneously allowing me to just be.

I’m still me.
But I’m different.
I can see it now.
I can see the Lord’s faithfulness in how He orchestrates things, in how He moves people, in how He refines us in the ways that are absolutely perfect.

I guess all I’m trying to say is that I’ve changed. I’m changing.
And maybe I’ve been changing all along…but I think it’s more visible than I ever thought possible before.

It’s not just that my external circumstances are different… but who I am is different. How I view things, how I react to things, how I process things, how I think about things…. it’s different. It’s better.

And for the doubter and the skeptic… it feels pretty huge.

This is my life.
It’s snowing in October.
And I’m becoming more of who I’ve always wanted to be.
I’m changing.
There’s hope.
We aren’t stuck.
He’s moving us toward better…in His time and in His way.

Transformation is possible.
We don’t always have to be that person we’ve always been.
As much as we tell ourselves to not put God in a box, I wonder how much He’s asking us to not put ourselves in a box, either.

This is my life.
It’s a good life.
A life of transformation…explained only by the grace of God.
A life of unexpectedness. A life of risk. A life that’s not even about me in the end.

A life with snow in October.
This is my life.

A good guy friend said something along these lines the other night as a few of us entered into a conversation about how girls often need words of affirmation. He’s the type of guy that claims he doesn’t really think about those types of things, but somehow knew it was necessary to affirm their beauty on a few special nights of the year.

It’s laughable.

I’ve been thinking a lot about the power of words. That sometimes words, when lacking actions, can feel quite meaningless…but sometimes the actions, when lacking words, can also feel void of deeper meaning. And so, in recognizing my need for words of affirmation, I also recognize that there’s an action that’s required in order for me to fully receive them. Maybe that makes me hard to please.

It’s kind of revealed that I have a double standard, though. As much as I need them (even if I sometimes struggle to receive them), I’m not awesome at giving them. The other day I found myself telling someone that one of my co-workers had been doing an incredible job and I had been really impressed by them…and quickly was aware of how I had failed to communicate those thoughts and feelings to the actual person.

I’m naturally a withholder.

The excuses go on and on… sometimes I just don’t even think about telling the person and I go on with my life.

But what if we did? What if I did?

It translates into relationships.

It allows people to flourish.

And sometimes other people do need us to say those things. They do need to hear them. I often think the Lord uses others in our lives to speak encouragement and affirmation to us. Can we be those voices? Are we willing?

I’m not saying to say nice things simply because you’re supposed to… but, to say them when you think them, when you mean them, when you know it’s to someone else’s benefit (even if it means putting yourself out there a bit, even if it means getting over your own insecurities).

I’m working on not withholding anymore.

I think it matters.

Let’s be voices of love.

Let’s withhold no longer.

“I want to bless you abundantly more than this.“

The words were pressed upon my heart as I walked away from a relationship…not fully understanding why it was over, but somehow believing undoubtedly in the Lord’s goodness and protection as I dried my eyes and attempted to moved on. My heart hurt and while I felt like I had given and given and given and tried to make it all work out…it just wasn’t working. It couldn’t. Something was fundamentally wrong.

“I love that you were willing, but this isn’t what I have for you. This isn’t who I have for you.”

There was the peace that passes all understanding.
And while I wasn’t ever going to decide that for myself, I knew that it was right. I had to leave. Even in the midst of the pain, I knew that it was good.

The promises I felt that day weren’t forgotten.
But I’ve spent a lot of time praying, begging, wondering… did He forget?…Did I hear correctly? Does He really have better for me?

Waiting.
Doubting.
Desiring.
Dabbling.
Flirting.
Fearing.
Denying.
Rejecting.
Running.
Grasping.

But the Lord is faithful.
Faithful to give us abundantly more than all we ask for or imagine.
I don’t know if I always believe it when I’m praying for it, but now I feel like I’m living in it. Living in the very midst of the Lord’s provision as He exceeds my expectations and surprises me as He asks me to trust Him.

My heart is full.
The waiting is worth it.
The repetitive heartbreak seems fairly insignificant when you realize that it only means it got you to where you’re at today.

There are good guys still out there.
Good guys who love Jesus more than anything, who let it transform who they are and how they live. Good guys who seek to love, encourage, challenge and support others. Good guys who are willing to do whatever it takes. Good guys who are patient enough to wade into the brokenness of another and point them back toward the Healer. Good guys who genuinely care, who long to listen, who want to really know people. Good guys who recognize their own depravity and need for Christ and walk in the humility of what that means for their lives.

There are good guys still out there…. good guys who even have things in common with you. Good guys who laugh easily, who enjoy life, who inspire, who dream. Good guys who want you.

They may not be exactly what you would have imagined… but they may exceed your expectations if you’re willing to look beyond your checklist (especially with all the things that don’t matter that you’re still dwelling on). You may even be surprised by how your preferences change as you allow the good guys in.

The good guys might come around when you least expect it, they may come masked in a different age range or a different hair color or a different body build than you might have thought… they may come around ten years later than you might hope for…

But, they come.
They exist.
And it’s worth it.
Worth the wait.
Worth the wondering.
Worth trusting the Lord’s promises when He asks you to step away from things.

Because He wants to bless us abundantly.
Abundantly more than all we ask or imagine.

I’m living proof.
I found a good guy.
And my heart is full.

Keep waiting. Keep trusting. Keep living life.
He’ll come.

• What if she was super sensitive about her missing arm, to the point where you could never talk about it and she never even acknowledged it was missing (i.e. You buy her gloves for Christmas and only give her one and she asks where the other one is)?
• What if she had rancid breath all the time?
• What about facial tattoos?
• What if he can’t back up a trailer?
• What if he exclusively wears crocs?

Have important dealbreakers and dont compromise on them… but, please, do away with the dealbreakers that don’t matter, the ones that are ridiculous (you know what they are). Be open-minded. Allow people to surprise you. Be willing to see past initial impressions and get to know people beyond the things that seem ‘unbearable’. 

Get over the stupid stuff.

Wade: Sometimes I just think you’re just the saddest person in the world. You’re always looking over your shoulder wondering what life should be instead of taking it for what it is. You’re not honest about what makes you happy. 

I started watching Hart of Dixie last spring. It became a nice outlet in between studying and working…and I was immediately sucked into the (cliche) plot line of wondering just who Zoe Hart will pick. I’m a fan of Wade. Not because he’s awesome or makes good decisions…but because he’s honest.

This quote stuck out to me several months ago and while I wanted to write a blog way back when about it, it never happened. 

You’re always looking over your shoulder wondering what life should be instead of taking it for what it is. 

I identified myself a lot in that statement. 
The curse of the ‘shoulds’. 
Wondering to myself over and over and over again if I’m living life the way I ‘should’ be, if my relationships look like they ‘should’, if I’m being honest about what actually makes me happy versus what I think ‘should’ make me happy. 

For example..
I dated a guy once who didn’t necessarily fall under my category of ‘guys I should like’. Soon that extended into trying to dictate what our relationship should look like. A Christian couple should do the following things: pray together and talk about God all the time. A Christian man, in a relationship, should lead well (i.e. ask challenging questions, care about my spiritual life, initiate godly conversations). Sometimes I compared our relationships to other relationships…and was convinced we should look like them. We should be more this, or less that, or just like them. 

I was existing in a relationship, trying to meet every requirement in my head of what we should be, what he should be, how I should be….instead of taking it for what it was. I wasn’t allowing us to be us…or him to be him. It was destructive, and I was far from happy because nothing was as it should be. You can guarantee he was unhappy, too. 

Do you ever do that?
Nestle into a life filled with unhappiness because you’re so busy trying to get everything to look as it should that you’ve not allowed it to just be what it is? Maybe it’s a job. Maybe it’s a relationship. Maybe it’s even your relationship with the Lord. 

Somewhere along the way we’ve created our own ideals of how certain things should be and when they don’t measure up to that, we’re disappointed…unhappy…unable to be honest about what we actually want because we’re so caught up in what we think we’re supposed to want. 

I’m in a race to erase all the shoulds in my life. 
They’re confining and they breed a close-mindedness that I want nothing to do with. I want things to be what they are…I want people to be who they are…without me always trying to change it/them. 

And yes- sometimes the shoulds can move us toward better, but too often I think the expectations we place on other people when we dance with the shoulds give way to a life of making others feel like they’ll never be good enough. Sometimes they perpetuate a life of being continually dissatisfied. There’s a balance, a fine line…and so much of the time we cross it, catering to a world of not allowing ourselves to see the good that’s right in front of us because we’re too focused on how it should be better/different. 

I’m tired of ruining good things because I live my life by the shoulds. He should look like this, say this, do this…otherwise I can’t date him. We should talk more often, be more open, talk about Jesus more. This ministry should have a better community, be more authentic, make me feel more welcomed. I should pray more, read more, spend more time serving others. 

The shoulds breed guilt. 
The shoulds breed disappointment. 
The shoulds take really good things and rip them to shreds because they often don’t stack up to the unrealistic (and sometimes untrue) ideals. 

I can’t do it anymore.
I don’t want to. 

May we find freedom as we slip away from a life of shoulds and allow ourselves to (yes, strive for better), but also simply be….and let other things be what they need to be. May we let our relationships blossom and look completely different from our friends’, may we be open-minded enough to let him be who he is and recognize the good that dwells within without such criticism of him not being who we think he should be. May we let our jobs, our ministries, our friendships, our relationship with the Lord be, without all the pressure of the shoulds grossly distorting our views of true goodness. 

Think about the ways the shoulds destroy your life (and make us sad people), and let’s actively fight to not let them do so any longer. 

I literally had a mountaintop experience the other day.

Literally (yes, I am using this in the correct context with the correct meaning…without exaggeration).

After a series of realistic dreams (that might have been considered nightmares), my morning was dragging. Filled with vivid memories from the past, mixed with the treacherous dreams and topped with a plethora of lies…I felt done for. Worthless, anxious, angry, confused…

What had happened?

And so I went to the mountains.
Partially because I could, and partially because I just needed to get away.

I ascended quickly, blaming the high altitude for my shortness of breath and doing anything I could to take my focus away from the mess of emotions that were threatening to reveal themselves with the tiniest amount of thought. When I got to my final destination, I crumpled in despair.

It had been a while since I had talked audibly with the Lord. Without my daily commutes to school and work, my praying out loud had dwindled and somehow, without the safety of my car…I felt more exposed than ever. While I knew the chances of anyone hearing me were minimal, it didn’t matter. My voice could carry and I feared what might come out. To think a prayer feels much different than saying it. Speaking it gives it a certain sense of realness, of admittance… and I wasn’t quite sure I was prepared to do that.

I began slowly and tentatively… ‘Lord…’ 
It was raw, it was ugly…at times it was hardly comprehendible…but it was real.
I told Him the truth about where my heart was, and while somewhere in me I knew it was stuff He already knew, it was stuff I hadn’t been willing to face myself. I confessed desires that I didn’t even know I still had. I admitted how deeply I had been affected by things, hurt by things…I allowed my weakness to overtake my strength.

I was broken.
Truly broken.
Aware of my own depravity like I hadn’t been in a long while.

My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness…

It was one of those times when Truth hits in you the face and you recognize how truly desperate you are to be saved, how in need of rescue you are…how you can’t do it alone, no matter how strong you feel like you are. One of those times when imperfections and shortcomings are defining of you, but somehow, they still aren’t you…because in Christ’s strength, in His grace… I have been redeemed.

It was one of the moments where nothing makes sense, but everything makes sense. One of those moments where nothing has changed, but everything has changed. Because the Lord reminded me of who He is, the Lord reminded me that He is sufficient, the Lord reminded me that He is perfectly strong in my weakness.

And that was enough.
In that moment, it was sufficient.

A mountaintop experience.
A mountaintop experience that one inevitably has to come down from.

And so I returned home, still dancing around in my joy of how truly good the Lord is…at least for a few hours, anyway. Eventually the junk started to knock on the walls of my heart, whispering…mocking…enticing back into despair, distrust, the desire to control.

But the feelings don’t change the truth of what was told to me on the mountain. Even as I return to ‘normal life’ away from the ‘experience’, even as I battle through the lies, the fears, the self-loathing and pride… it doesn’t ever change who God is.

I think we too often forget that.
I think we too often get wrapped up in our experiences that we forget to stand on the truth of what we learn in those experiences. We get wrapped up in the emotions and needing to feel that connectivity to the Lord without simply allowing Him to be Lord.

I love what the Lord says and does during the mountaintop experiences. I work at a camp… I see it all the time. But, I love even more how those moments can shape our faith as we learn more about God’s character and as we learn to trudge through the valleys, as we learn to fight, as we learn to declare His truths as Truth no matter how we feel.

Oswald Chambers says it well:

After every time of exaltation, we are brought down with a sudden rush into things as they really are, where it is neither beautiful, poetic, nor thrilling. The height of the mountaintop is measured by the dismal drudgery of the valley, but it is in the valley that we have to live for the glory of God. We see His glory on the mountain, but we never live for His glory there.

It’s a beautiful picture of how the Lord works.
Let’s not be so set on getting back to a mountaintop experience that we forget to truly live for Him during the non-peak experiences.

There’s a lot of life for us when we are willing to live in the everyday mundanities with the fullness of the Gospel shaping our existence.

My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness…

The Comment:

Sometimes it feels like my life is a rerun of a cliche rom-com. Meet cute/cool/awesome guy, become good friends, he seems to be into me but then – out of nowhere – another girl appears on the scene, and here I am, back at square one, always known as the “really good friend” but never the girlfriend. How can I get out of this never-ending cycle? Am I putting out the wrong vibes or just entirely misreading the guys in my life 

I hear you.
Eternal friendship seems to be the name of the game sometimes.

Do you ever watch movies or television shows over and over again, and have this small part of you that hopes that the end will turn out different? No matter how many times I watch My Best Friend’s Wedding, I still somehow hope Dermot Mulroney will change his mind and pick Julia Roberts. No matter how many times I watch Felicity, I still want her to pick Noel. I’m always disappointed, even when I know the ending.

Sometimes my life feels like it parallels this concept. I find myself in similar situations (like in your case, friendships with men) and although it always ends the same way, there’s still a part of me that hopes that this time, it’ll be different. It feels masochistic. You’d think, by now, that if X (befriending cool guys) leads to Y (him never wanting to date you)…that eventually you would change some part of the equation. You’d think.

But it never works out like that.
We’re caught in the cycle. The friend cycle.

And, as defeating and disappointing as it can be sometimes…I’m not sure I would change it. At least not for me.

Here’s why:
My friendships with guys have taught me a lot, and I hope, on the other side of it…that my friendship with them has taught them something, too. While perhaps my initial reason for becoming their friend was because I was attracted to them or drawn to them for some romantic reason (or, even if over time I began to see them in that light because of the intimacy that was created through our friendship)…I think I can ultimately recognize that I care about them more as a person than I do a potential mate.

It’s kind of the same idea that I wrote about yesterday…the idea that we have to view the men in our lives as more than someone to fulfill a means to an end. Which is why, no matter how many times I feel like I keep living out the same story when it comes to male friendship, I’ll probably keep doing it. Because I think these guys matter. And, for this season…however long of a season it is…I know that I have to keep choosing to love them. To keep choosing to love them, encourage them, be there for them…even if it means they never choose me back in the way that I might sometimes hope for.

It’s sometimes agonizing. But I always think it’s worth it. Always.
Why?
Because somehow, when the friendship is about abundantly more than what I can get out of it, it seems fuller, richer, better. It’s not limited to myself selfish, fleshly desires…it’s not about catering to my ‘needs’…but it forces me to look outside myself as I search for ways to serve, to challenge, to care about someone beyond me.

I don’t have a solution for you.
I think some of us are just stuck in this cycle.
I could tell you to just steer clear of guys and ‘guard your heart’ when forming friendships with them, but I think that’s silly and missing the point. I think that’s making life all about romance and taking away the beauty and power that can come through opposite-gender friendships. I think, in the end, we have to really trust that the Lord is the protector of our hearts. And no matter how deeply we connect with others, our trust is in Him. It has to be.

Which means… that I’m going to be friends with guys, and occasionally I’ll probably like some of them…and, more than likely, they aren’t going to reciprocate the feelings. I get to choose how to respond. Will I still care about them, recognizing that the friendship can be about more than my romantic feelings for him? Will I trust that the Lord is still sovereign and good and continue to invest, knowing that He has it all under control? Will I decide that it’s worth it to love someone else selflessly, even when their love for me looks different than I want it to? Can I believe that they genuinely still care about me, even if it isn’t in the way that I think I’d like for them to?

I’m not saying be foolish.
I’m not saying to seek out the situations and throw yourself at guys and try your hardest to be their best friend. I’m not saying to pour your everything into them and only them and exclude all other relationships in your life. But, if you keep finding yourself here unintentionally? Don’t get discouraged. The Lord might be using you in your male friends’ lives, even if it doesn’t always (or ever) play out the way you want it to. He may be asking you to love someone else even when it’s hard, when it’s inconvenient, when it hurts (and we may be learning more about His love through our obedience to love like that as well as being a part of giving that love to someone else).

Let whatever happen, happen.
Be their friend.
Exist in the eternal cycle of friendship. Let it be the season you’re in right now… or maybe for what feels like years and years and years. Because, if we’re loving well (regardless of gender), if we’re pointing people to Christ, if we’re encouraging and challenging them to be more like Him? I don’t really think we can go wrong with that. And I’d rather have a million friendships with guys where my heart feels mangled at various points along the way, than live life unwilling to enter into risky scenarios where my reach to others is limited by my fear of pain.

Because the Lord is taking care of me.
He’s been faithful in it so far.
And I do believe, at some point in my life, that things will change for me. That this won’t be my story forever.
I don’t need to worry about that right now, though.
What’s before me are people to care about, to love (guys and girls alike)…and even if I still sometimes hope for things to be different and get crushed along the way…my ultimate hope still lies is in something greater, something better, something I can’t even fully comprehend.

Maybe we’ll never be the girlfriend, the fiancee, the wife.
But we’ll be the friend.
The friend who loved well, who challenged, who cared deeply, who was (hopefully) a part of transforming lives.

I’m okay with that.
Even on the days when it hurts the most.
I always have to choose loving people…even when it doesn’t turn out like I hope.
It’s my call.
And it’s yours, too.