The comment:
I’ve set boundaries in my previous relationships with guys, but they never seem to work out. I, well we, usually push our limits and the next thing I know we’ve gone passed our “set” boundary. This leaves me sleepless feeling so guilty and sinful. Things in the past can’t be changed, that is so hard. Is there still hope for a second chance? What can i do to see I don’t find myself in this predicament again?
There’s always hope for a second chance. I wouldn’t be here if there wasn’t.
Sexual boundaries are always a fun topic- we all want to know as much as we can about sex, we want to know how far we can go before it’s ‘too’ far, and we want to have the freedom to do it without the guilt that quickly accompanies it.
My answer for you is pretty simple…but it doesn’t make it any easier.
You get to choose.
That’s really all there is to it. In any moment, with any guy, you are ultimately choosing what you want. You get to choose whether or not you put yourself in situations that you know you’ll have a hard time saying no in. You get to choose if you actually stick to the boundaries that you’ve established with your boyfriend/girlfriend. You get to choose how you respond if you ‘mess up’ and how you proceed from there.
Things that can help? Finding someone who has similar values as you in this particular arena is very beneficial. If he/she honestly wants to remain within the boundaries that have been set, accomplishing this will be easier if they are actually on board. If they say that they are, but are teasing, tempting and pushing the limits constantly, they might not have been that honest with you in the first place.
I’ve also found, in my experiences, that the more you frequent places of sexual temptation, the more tempted you’ll be. Meaning, the more often you make out with your boyfriend/girlfriend, the more likely it is that you’ll want to do it more and the more likely it is that you’ll push the limits. I realized that in past relationships where physical limits were stretched too thin, it was the relationships where our alone time was spent wrapped up in each other’s arms. It was all I thought about during the day… when the next time I could be in his arms was going to be.
On the contrary, there have been more recent relationships where the physical aspect was a much rarer occurrence. It seemed that the rarity allowed for our relationship to blossom in other ways because thoughts of sex weren’t all-consuming. Every time we were alone it wasn’t with the goal of getting all close and personal– there was something much deeper to our relationship than that.
Accountability is always a helpful thing– going to places where you know others will be. Don’t invite him/her over when you know you’re home alone for the night. Choose to go to his place instead, where his roommates are. Ultimately, if you want to be alone with them because you want to make out with them, you’re going to find a way.
And this is where it always comes down to you choosing.
Trust me…I’ve definitely been in the boat where I didn’t care because I wanted to make out and so I made bad decisions. But, I didn’t have to… I just wanted to. I’ve also been in the boat where I’ve chosen what was good. And it’s better. It really, really is.
It’s possible.
The Lord doesn’t tempt you… and there’s always a way out… if you want to take it. I think there’s always a problem with not really wanting the way out.
So, you get to decide it’s worth it.
Decide that purity matters to you…and then live in it.
Decide that you’re going to believe God is full of grace and second chances…and then live in it.
And, if you don’t want purity right now…?
I pray that you would want it… heck, I even pray that you would want to want it.
And then be a person who stands firm in what you believe, no matter what.
It is possible.