I hate it when my mom is right.
In fact, I probably fear that she’s right a whole lot more than I typically give her credit for. She’s recently gotten in the habit of pointing to the new growth on her head, emphatically reminding me how gray she is and telling me that it ain’t gray for no reason. I usually roll my eyes, but secretly I’m thankful for not only the woman she is in my life, but also the woman she is becoming. She’s a cancer warrior… a survivor.
This story isn’t about cancer though. It’s about her being right.
Growing up, my mom frequently told me that she couldn’t wait to see me have a daughter that was just like me. It was always said in the midst of an argument or while I was clearly being selfish, stubborn, indignant, etc., etc., etc. (which, yes, was almost all of the time). This is one of those things that I sincerely hope she’s wrong about. I don’t think I want a daughter just like me…
Anyway, as you’re most likely aware, I’ve recently left my job and while I’m still doing a few things hourly for them, my financial situation is no longer what it was. Working at a camp allows you to cut corners on a few things (rent, utilities, oftentimes food), and while your salary isn’t anything to brag about, you’re also not paying a lot of the expenses that ‘normal’ people have to.
In the midst of this transition, insurance became a fun topic of discussion. Honestly, I have a hard time caring about insurance because I’ve never really needed it. I never grew up going to the doctor (partially because my dad is one), but I just didn’t have many reasons to (aside from the time I got my finger smushed off). The last 6 years have been quite low key as far as my medical expenses have gone. Why wouldn’t that trend continue on?
I’m currently insurance-less.
I’m also, now, getting surgery tomorrow.
Several days ago my throat starting swelling and my jaw started throbbing, and while I’ve felt similar pain here before, something was a bit different this time. I choked down some ibuprofen, sure that this would pass, and enjoyed my merry day.
Each night I’d go to bed, hoping that I’d wake up the next morning and feel remarkably better. Each night I’d wake up several times, unable to swallow and with pain in the back of the right side of my mouth. Since I was adamant about not going to a doctor or a dentist, I searched and searched until was able to get a sufficient self-diagnosis.
No big deal… just my wisdom teeth. And just an infection that I should get looked at immediately…
While I had great plans to get rid of the infection on my own, I knew that unless I got antibiotics I wasn’t going to feel better. I also wasn’t so worried about actually getting the teeth taken out, but the money that it would require to do so.
This is the part where my mom comes in, as evidenced below:
It wasn’t so much the latter part of our conversation that struck an ‘a-ha’ chord in me… but, she made a great point that I rolled my eyes to at the time (can’t you just taste it in that ‘Ha.’?). Ultimately, the pain had gotten pretty unbearable, so I finally sucked it up, found a dentist within walking distance, made an appointment and went (I only had to walk part-way in the rain, don’t worry).
“You’re definitely going to need those out soon.”
I know.
I know. I just don’t want to spend thousands of dollars to do it, okay really nice lady??
I was referred to the Oral Surgeon with an consultation scheduled for that same day, and there was the promise of getting me into surgery before the end of the week…giving me plenty of time to heal before my next travels.
My mom’s words rang in my head again. Don’t you hate it when that happens? She had a point.
I did have the money. The money isn’t mine to hold onto. Here is provision staring at me in the face and all I can think about are the what-ifs of my future. What if I need that money to go to grad school? What if I can’t find a job once these next few months are over? What if I get into some other financial trouble with my car or my health and I need that money?
What if…?
Dang, we can sure play that game for a while, can’t we…?
What I realize? I have been taken care of for today… and I don’t need to worry about all the what-ifs of tomorrow. Shoot, maybe my mom is right and I’ll meet a rich, single man to help out with finances. But, if not… I’m not worried. Because my God is a God who provides.
And so today…? Today I’m just thankful.
Let’s not forget it.
Even when we have to spend money and our bank accounts dwindle.
And, in the meantime, maybe I’ll walk away tomorrow with some sort of memory like this to cherish forever.