Loving through Annoyance

The comment:

I have enjoyed your blog posts, keep them rolling. Maybe you should write one on how to love people you don’t enjoy being around, at all. I used to be a lot better at it than I am now…

Dude. I hear you. This is h.a.r.d. 

I will admit readily that I get annoyed really easily. In fact, I took a class in undergrad where one of the semester long assignments was to work on communications problem that we possessed and document our goals and progress throughout the months. We even had to interview people closest to us at the end of the semester to find out if we had changed, if we had succeeded in our goals. Here is a bit of my proposal:

Other people have the tendency to drive me crazy.  I would blame them entirely for the way I act in response to the annoying, frustrating habits that seem to be exhibited by everyone around me, but alas, I cannot. I am coming to realize that regardless of the fact that people behave in a manner that is somewhat maddening to me at times, I am still responsible for the way I think, and as a result, the way I communicate with them.  This is not easy for me to admit.  All of me likes to believe that if people would stop doing such dense things, my problems would be solved. But, I know that realistically I struggle immensely with continuing to communicate appropriately with those around me that have rather aggravating habits.  Thus, I have chosen to work on my communication with other people when their habits make it hard for me to want to communicate at all. 

Essentially I had labeled my problem to work on as: intolerance toward annoying behaviors. Which, while everyone has some annoying tendencies, there are certainly some people who seem to onlyhave annoying tendencies (you guys know who I’m talking about).

And perhaps it’s during various seasons in life… maybe it’s a family member, or a significant other, or a roommate… people that you truly do love, but in your closeness during random times, it seems they can do nothing right.

But sometimes there are just people that are hard to love. Maybe they are people that have done something to you, maybe they are people that you don’t know very well but your personalities clash….maybe everything they do grates on your every nerve, for no apparent reason.

Regardless of your relationship with them, I think this is something almost everyone will struggle with from time to time. So… I’ve been pouring over my ‘progress reports’ from my attempt to not be so easily annoyed by the people that I didn’t enjoy being around and I may have some helpful hints for you in your endeavor to love them better. Check it out:

I found that in following these steps for a few months, I was able to truly take a step back before simply reacting to people/situations. I was able to think through different possibilities for why the people I didn’t enjoy were people that I didn’t enjoy… and my attempt to thinkabout it all differently enabled me to then actdifferent. To act in a way that exuded love instead of annoyance.

And, honestly, as I’ve gotten older… I’ve found that the less I know someone, the harder it is for me to love them. When I take the time to truly get to know someone else and to find out who they are and why they are the way they are, the things that used to annoy me about them kind of become background noise. They aren’t things that matter as much…because I’ve been willing to see and know more of their heart. When I’m willing to be vulnerable with those people and allow them to get to know me… that’s also something that brings about an ability to love them better.

So…

I think at the end of the day, the answer to your question is just having a willingness. We have to want to love others, even if we don’t feel like we do or ever can. And, I think God changes our hearts… and I think that only He can. I think we can strive and make changes and desire an open-mind… but I think that we have to be willing for Him to transform us. I think following the steps above (no matter how ridiculous they seem) can be a great move toward progress…especially if you find yourself annoyed with all sorts of people all the time. I think when you slow down and allow the Lord to step into the irrational thoughts that you have toward people, that you’ll be surprised by how your perspective changes.

I think the more that we are willing to really talk to people and listen to them and where they come from, the more the Lord changes our hearts as He reveals His love for them as they share their stories of brokenness and hurt, and that He gives us a compassion that we, on our own, lack.

And… it’s pretty humbling when you think that you might be one of those people that others just don’t enjoy being around. But, maybe if they really knew you…maybe if they were willing to look past that nervous laugh, or the incessant talking, or the uncontrollable burps, or the one-upping tendencies that come from a deep insecurity…. That they would see a person, absolutely imperfect, but not too different from them at all.

Be willing.

And I think the Lord will take care of the rest.

Oh, and that whole Golden Rule thing, too.

Oh… and nothing about this is natural or easy. And that’s why, when we are willing (even when we feel unable), we don’t really get the credit for it in the end. Shoot, even when we are unwilling but we desire to still somehow walk in obedience to that whole ‘loving our enemy’ thing, I think the Lord is faithful in moving us to places where we constantly have to get over ourselves. 

Isn’t that what it almost always tends to boil down to, anyway? 

Getting over ourselves? 

But, I pray that we’d be surprised by the people we think we are unable to love and unable to enjoy being around. That when we are willing, when we take the time, when we reach out… that we would find that our obedience moves us into a place where our enjoyment with those people is undeniable, where we aren’t so consumed with what we are getting out of the experience, and the Lord would be truly glorified. 

I truly believe it is possible. 

It takes work. It takes effort. It isn’t easy.

But it is possible…especially if it matters to you.