When we first met, I couldn’t understand if he was saying CALE or KEL.
It’s not short for Kelly. Or Kelby. Or Kellender. Just Kel.
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| this is our first picture together. when my hair was still longer than his. |
He was confusing to me (and still is).
While his accent isn’t thick, it often comes out in words like fill (feel) or oil (oyul)–and sometimes his own name (Cale). And while he’s from West Texas and loves country music, he’s not exactly a cowboy with boots, tight jeans, and the desire to two-step me around the dance floor.
We met just over 5 years ago. The son of a dear couple that I had worked with for many years– a son I didn’t know existed. He was crazy. Loud. Confident. And if you had told me 5 years ago that I would be married to Kel Beal today, I might have laughed in your face.
But here we are, 3 years later. Married. Happy. Figuring out how to do our lives better together with each passing day because we both want more.
It’s our anniversary today and while we haven’t really had time to reflect on all of the memories of our wedding day, I’ve had a few of those moments where I get a little teary-eyed thinking about this man I married. This confusing, long-haired, athletic, video game-playing, fantasy-football crazed, people-loving and Jesus-desiring man that I married.
And then I think about all the people. A lot of you who made the time to be present, who spent the dollars to come, who poured out sweat as you set up the most beautiful wooden, candle-lit backdrop and covered itchy hale bales with lace and ribbons. People who traveled far. People who gave much. People who loved us so, so well. I truly can’t ever say thanks enough.
I’m so humbled.
So blessed.
I was talking with a single girl not long ago about how it’s so easy to feel like you have to “have it all together” before you find the “right” guy. It’s easy to feel like you need to really figure out who you are, so you aren’t looking to a guy to “save” you in a relationship… because he can’t. A man doesn’t make you whole. And that’s absolutely true.
BUT- I would be lying if I didn’t tell you the truth- at least for me.
Kel doesn’t complete me, but he’s the answer to the question I had been asking myself for almost my entire life. From the moment I even knew what a crush was, I was wondering who I would marry. Who. When. How. Where. When. When. When. Who. Who. Who. My heart ached to know the answers.
We played M.A.S.H. growing up (sometimes even in college), we flirted with boys, we wrote about them in journals, we cried over them, wrote songs and poems about them, danced with them, held their hands– always asking, always wondering: are you him?
Even the boys we knew weren’t and shouldn’t be, we still sometimes wondered. Maybe… maybe it’ll have to be him if it’s going to be anyone at all.
And so when Kel and I got married, my questions were answered.
He didn’t complete me.
But the nagging fears and constant curiosities are gone.
There is a peace that transpired that I had never had before. A security. A person. A life-long best friend. A reminder of God’s faithfulness. An answer to a thousand prayers. An answer to a question.
You can’t help but feel like the luckiest girl on your wedding day. And you can’t help but feel like that all over again on your anniversary. Because, today, 3 years ago, is the day my life changed forever.
The day the Lord showed me everything He had had in store for me during all those years of question-asking, all those years where I doubted Him.
I’m still baffled by His goodness to me.
I’m still humbled.
Still so blessed.
I continue to pray that the story of Kel and I would be one that gives others hope. Hope that there can be relationships and marriages that are good and fun and imperfectly perfect and constantly pointing back to Jesus. Hope that maybe one day, others may get to experience the Lord’s goodness in the same capacity that I have (even if it’s years and years later than you want it to be). Hope that not all things in the world right now are bad and that the Lord is still faithful.
Because He is.
In all things. In all seasons. In all the brokenness and hopelessness.
Somehow, for some reason, He remains faithful.
Even for a ragged, defeated, hopeless 29-year-old girl in 2013.
Even for a confused, selfish, prideful 33-year-old lady in 2017.
May we humbly learn to love Him and others more earnestly.